You Won’t Believe What Police Found In This Horse Saddle

(Headline, Huffington Post, 11/16/11)

Honey, I might be late tonight. I’ve got to find a story or I’m gonna get fired… Hey, you over there! What the heck are you doing? Are you smelling those bicycle seats. Get away from there or I’m calling 911. What kind of pervert are you?

Sorry, Honey. Some guy, Jesus, what a town. Anyway, I’ll call you later.

Please, God. Give me something here. An accident, a robbery… Hey, you! What the hell? Get away from that horse! Now you’re sniffing saddles? Go on, that’s it, run, you creep.

Easy, big fella. He was just nosing around your saddle. But, Christ, what is that smell, anyway? And how come you’ve got this zipper in the leather… Let me just… What the…? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I wanted a story to call in, but this?