pie encrustation

learned to make pie today. you get a lot of ingredients together and then you encrust them.

but the funny thing is, you make the crust first and it sits there encrusting… what?… the air?… my le creuset 9″ pie dish (hibiscus in color)?…

and when you dump the ingredients into it, it only encrusts the bottom and sides. in the case of this pie, i partially encrusted the top with criss-crossed strips of crust, but they tell me most pies just sit there naked on top.

 

For Daily Post

Crawdads

 

I like ham and bacon but I don’t like slaughtering the pig.

I like fried chicken but I don’t like chopping off the chicken’s head.

Crawdads aren’t so bad. Pick em out of the creek, bring em home, toss em in a pot of boiling water, and when you take out the tail meat, it’s already cooked. Throw it into a pie crust with a can of cream of mushroom soup, onions, peppers, spices and corn starch, and stick in into the oven to bake.

Right from the creek into your dad-gummed stomach – crawdad pie.

 

94 words

Photo by Enisa

For Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers

Romanian study: Half-day old snow is safe to eat (Curierul Național)

Nature has spent millions of years equipping us with inborn reflexes that cause us to reject unhealthy food at a sniff or a taste. Lower your nose to a basket of greasy fried chicken or a bag of fresh Cheetos. You’re revolted because you know these foods are bad for… wait a minute. Have I disproved evolution?

You know what they say about eating snow, so I won’t repeat it.

The big question is, what’s going on in Romania?

I’m right next door in Bulgaria – over the border from Bucharest, in a village on the Danube. It’s cold. Ice and snow. The edible snow on sale at the market? They can’t give it away, and this is quarter-day snow I’m talking about, not half-day.

Most of the villagers here have gardens. They grow their own vegetables, so their market purchases are meager. Go over for dinner and that’s fresh-shoveled snow they’re serving you. Less than an hour old in many cases (except in summer, when they bring it up from the root cellar).

Snow is frozen water, according to the news. I myself learned in school that ice was frozen water, but I’m no scientist!  All I know is, if you let snow sit there, it doesn’t magically turn into something else. You could come back in a thousand years and it would still be snow, as long as your pig and your goats and your dogs stay off it, and your truck is not leaking too much oil, and you maintain your septic tank according to its warranty, and your relatives from the country don’t come to visit, and you aren’t too close to the Black Sea with its Turkish and Ukrainian tourists, and the crows don’t come back, and the frequent earthquakes don’t continue to open up the medieval crypts, and the snow poachers, God rot them, are apprehended, and the effluent from the nuclear plant is rerouted into the river.

Pamphlet of snow recipes is available here for лв25.

Higashikagoro Uses Loudspeakers To Recall Fugu

Fugu (河豚; 鰒; フグ) is a dish prepared from pufferfish (genus Takifugu, Lagocephalus, or Sphoeroides) or porcupinefish (genus Diodon). Fugu can be lethally poisonous due to the presence of tetrodotoxin in the body of the fish.

In 1968, the small Japanese town of Higashikagoro was decimated due to the anger of chef Oishi Kuranosuke, the only chef in the only cafe in town. Oishi was preparing a dinner to be shared by the populace in Higashikagoro during their celebration of the town’s founding in the distant past, when his girlfriend Tomoe Gozen accused him of insufficient care in his preparation of the celebratory fugu. Obtuse and stubborn in the extreme, Oishi swore revenge upon her for her outburst.

All partook of the chef’s meal, including the chef himself. Only Ms. Gozen abstained.

Today, Ms. Gozen, the sole inhabitant of Higashikagoro for the past fifty years, used the municipal loudspeakers to recall for tourists the night of the banquet, the fugu, and in particular, Oishi Kuranosuke’s excruciating final moments.

The Squirrel Diet

You cannot keep the fat off unless you change your lifestyle in a sustainable way with regard to what you eat.

First rule of the squirrel diet: Tell no one you are on it! You’ll see why.

Second rule of the squirrel diet: Never go into a store to buy food.

That’s it. That’s all you need to know and do.

Naturally, you’ll want to eat vegetables. Look around the neighborhood. See any? You can eat nasturtiums. You can make rose-hip tea. The North Koreans harvest and eat grass.

Be cognizant of your neighbors feelings for their plants. Try to harvest unseen.

What about the core of your diet, protein?

Again, look around you. Rats and mice are good little food packets but they come out at night. If you make wine with “local” grapes, you may be out of the picture before the sun sets.

Squirrels are just about right. Note: use a small-caliber gun or the bullet will blow away most of the meat.

We sell the popular book “Squirrel on a Stick: 100 Great Squirrel Recipes.” Contact us for a copy.

Once you’ve settled in to your new life, you can expand your protein sources. Raccoons require a slightly larger bullet. Cats and dogs make good eatin but once again, remain cognizant of your neighbors’ feelings for their pets. Some even love them.

[More on squirrels]

 

Radioactive Home Remedies

Learn Fun Facts recently posted a blog entry I wrote on the subject of radioactive nostrums.

Thanks, Edmark!

The Lamb of God

I have commented previously on God’s wife (here, here, and here), children (here), and dog (here and here).

I now refer you to John 1:29.

I’m just messing with you. The subject here is not Jesus, but the best spice to use when you want to enjoy a great big saddle of greasy lamb.

Consider these:

Cumin – Brash and stinky, like the lambs. (Jesus was not happy with the LOG nickname. He saw immediately where they were going with that.)

Rosemary – The name of Jesus’ first lamb. (Although a carpenter, Jesus spent a lot of time in lamb-rich environments. Despite being designated the LOG, he, like most of us, ate lamb.)

Vadouvan – French curry powder. As a boy, Jesus had the chore of currying the lambs. (Jesus started out resolving to eat nothing that cast a shadow [shoutout to “Transamerica” (2005)], but ended up eating meat even before the Archfiend had a chance to tempt him to do so.]

Harissa – North African chile paste. But also the name of my first girlfriend. What’s the opposite of lamb? Cause that was her. (Jesus never slaughtered a lamb. This is discussed at length in the Book of Julia in the Apocrypha. The lamb talked him out of it. Like Doctor Dolittle and Tarzan, Jesus could speak to the animals and the animals would do what he said, within reason.)

Sumac – Used before the lemon was discovered. Fruity, sour, and colorful. Popular with people of the book [أهل الكتاب‎ ]. (What did they eat at the last supper? Not lamb, that’s for damn sure.)