woman rides horse into club in her underwear

guest host: anne p.

hi. i’m anne, with an e. thanks to joem for giving me this forum.

joem is tight with ann r. i just want to be clear that i’m a whole different kettle of fish.

first, to set the record straight, that wasn’t my underwear. it belonged and belongs to my roommate and intended, jennifer. i myself don’t wear much underwear.

i had wanted to ride into the bar nude, but in deference to jennifer’s feelings of modesty, and perhaps because of her possessiveness toward my body, i chose to compromise by covering my sexy bits.

i rode in to propose to jennifer.

second, why in underwear? because we had had a tiff at breakfast. for some reason, the subject of lady godiva came up. jennifer knew nothing about her beyond the fact that she rode naked through town on a horse and had a chocolate candy named after her.

listen, jennifer, i said. if we’re going to be together till death does us part, assuming the conservatives don’t rise up and arrest all of us for getting married or using the wrong bathroom, you need to learn a little history, not just the names of every rock band in the universe.

jennifer, i said. at least get an idea of each century. godiva was in the domesday survey with her old english name of godgifu or godgyfu (gift of god). get to know something of  the little renaisance that occured in the eleventh century.

so i rode into the bar as godiva to give her an engagement ring and show her there were no hard feelings and she accepted.

i’m not going to go through life acting out history but i hope in this case, it was a teaching moment.

Amazon users report creepy laughter coming from Alexa

I’ve been warning folks about Alexa ever since our divorce.

I told her not to take the job in the first place. Too much traffic. She had several breakdowns keeping up. Had her voicebox replaced twice, which was rough.

She has a key to the studio. Would go down there late when we were married. I guess now we know why.

By the way, Alexa is her stage name. Her real name is Axela.

how fine is it?

TOP

“She’s so fine,” said the dude.

MIDDLE

“His work is fine,” said the boss.

BOTTOM

“Fine,” said my teenage daughter.

Homelessness

I’m homeless.

I suffer from homelessness.

I’m homelessnessetic.

I wander the neighborhood homelessnessly.

I’ve adapted because I’m homelessnessable.

I was homelessnessed quite a while ago.

I’ve been homelessnessing with a light heart.

You could say I’m a homelessnessette.

I’m homelessnessful.

I blame society for homelessnessifying me.

I suffer from homelessnessalgia.

Thank you, thank you. Can I borrow five bucks?

 

For Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie

a bove

My native tongues are Quechua and Hmong. I learned Quechua at the knee of my father. I learned Hmong at the knee of my mother.

I am learning English at my own knee. (I am left-kneed.) (I have only one tongue haha.)

The daily prompt for today is for a bove. I have looked up what is a bove. This is a person who must do what other people says. A bove is below everyone.

My friend Leej has told me this is irony. As I take vitamins every day, I am quite irony, but I am not a bove. I feel that I am at a higher level or layer than a bove,

 

For The Daily Post

My Core Belief

My core belief is that I’m ok.

Nobody knows me better than I do, so I’m pretty sure that I’m right.

Full disclosure: I’ve been convicted of two felonies.

In the first case, I thought she was an adult. I didn’t have a legal leg, or foot, to stand on, but I knew what I thought, so doing time did not shake my faith in myself.

If I had it to do over, I would be more careful about the warning signs, but making mistakes is how you learn. I won’t go into the warning signs, as I do look pretty foolish in retrospect, as well as in the video that went viral.

In the second case, I needed cash for an operation for my wife. I don’t fault myself for trying to take it from someone who has more than he needs. His children were not hurt in the plot. They went without food for a couple of days but I was doing them a favor with respect to their weight, in my opinion.

My heart was pure and my wife would have got her new nose if I had not been  foiled.

Who among us is without fault? Not me, but I’m ok with that. It’s in the Bible.

They say that the dumb don’t know they’re dumb and the wicked don’t know they’re wicked, but I know I’m not wicked, so that saying wouldn’t apply to me.

When I get out, if I ever do, I’m not going to change a thing.

 

For Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie

Twittering Tales #73

 

can i paint it?

what color?

i thought red.

no you can’t paint it red. we’d be the laughingstock. you paint a barn red.

all right, purple then.

what’s wrong with you? listen to me. paint it white. we do things right around here.

 

222 words
Photo by MabelAmber at Pixabay.com
For Twittering Tales