Lead a busy life? It’s a mad whirl out there for so many of us. I forgot my pants this morning. Just kidding.
Please, take the time to look both ways before stepping off the curb. Check for bones in that forkful of haddock. Confirm that the seat is down before sitting on the toilet.
These are common-sense precautions. It takes a little luck to get through life.
Having said that, trusting to luck WILL NOT HELP YOU in certain situations. Learn to recognize the warning signs!
#1 You boss tries to kill you.
This is a warning sign. Your prospects for future advancement in the company may be compromised. Having failed to murder you, will your boss be able to give you a fair and balanced performance report during the next employee review cycle? Will killing him help or hinder your progress up the corporate ladder? Should you continue shtupping his wife, or move on?
#2 Your wife tries to kill you.
There is nothing more important in life than good, basic nutrition. When you get up in the morning, you need a good breakfast. When you get home from work at night, you need a good dinner. Anything that gets in the way of these essential meals must be eradicated without mercy. Remember, you can’t hire a wife, but you can hire a cook.
#3 Your children try to kill you.
Kids. What can you do? You give them everything. It’s why you go to work in the morning instead of turning into a homeless bum. You work your fingers to the bone and then work your wrists to the bone and then… you get the idea. Then they tear out your heart and skateboard over it. That’s not a warning sign. That’s just normal life.
#4 Your dog tries to kill you.
If you cat tries to kill you, you probably deserve it, you sorry piece of dirt. In the case of dog mayhem, you’ve got to look into breed. Your breed, I mean. What color is your skin? What is your religion? What is your orientation vis a vis LGBT. Are you conservative or liberal? Libertarian? What is your position on the right to bear arms?
Dogs care about these things, especially in the southern United States and Irish bogs. Given half a chance, they will thin the human herd.