Asteroids Most Likely To Hit Earth (Salon)

You’ve seen the list?

I read somewhere that the government has named the most dangerous asteroids “El Salvador,” “Haiti,” and “Mexico,” plus a couple of others named for African countries. Proof yet again that Nature loves coincidences.

Between 37,000 and 78,000 tons of solar system debris hit Earth every year (not counting sandwich wrappers, soda cans, etc., tossed out of biplanes). If you ever wondered where the pharaohs got their ceremonial iron trinkets a millennium before the Iron Age, that iron was winkled out of meteorite detritus by court artisans.

Anyway, we just had a near miss and I believe that a hit is due in 35 minutes somewhere out in the Pacific. Think I read that.

What’s to be done? Can’t be allowed. Need to clean up the rogue asteroids. My neighborhood has a community… caucus or committee or something. Meets the first Monday of every month in the recreation room next to the pool in the El Nido apartment complex on Slappy Drive. I’ll bring this up.

WELCOME, DACA!

Hello.

The island nation of Maripogua do welcome all DACA registrants, of whatsoever age, gender, ethnic heritage, or profession.

Come as you want. We pretend to have English as native language. No dollar needed as the cowrie is our dollar.

Bring no coats! Always warm. Warmer than before in fact. Only the thong will be needed. (Real thong, not Hollywood thong.)

Our president now is Arnold Schwarzenegger if he only going to say yes to we.

Note: Room here for all DACA, but Maripogua will sink below the wave too soon, thanks to US guy sent you here. Now we must find new nation who is generous like we, not like he.