Am I Sending the Wrong Message?

Everybody is sending messages these days. A lot of folks are wondering whether this person or that person is sending the wrong message. What if I’m sending the wrong message?

Suppose you’re breaking the law. Am I sending you the message that it’s ok? Hey, what am I, your mother? Where were you raised, in a barn? I’ve got a message for you right here. I’m grabbing it.

When my wife left me, that was the wrong message. I got it when I found all my stuff out on the front lawn. The guy she’s living with? He told me that if he ever saw me again, he’d rip my face off. Wrong message?

Now when I go to work or to the store or to the doctor, I hand the individual my message written on a post-it. What message am I sending? It’s right there in your f**king hand, dude! Read it!

So it turns out, whenever somebody looks at you, they’re sending you a message. See that guy over there at the bus stop? Hey, you! What are you looking at? You want some of this? Just keep staring, a**h***!

I got a letter from my wife’s lawyer the other day. It said that she was taking the house. I called the lawyer and asked what message this letter was sending? He said, go find an SRO, you idiot. Sometimes you need those extra words to actually get the message.

If you’re in a bar and the woman you’re talking to calls you a “boob,” you’re probably not going to get laid tonight.

So here’s my message, loud and clear: We’ve got to live within our means. We must close loopholes and get rid of waste. The U.S.A. is special, unlike any other country in the world and much better. If the world is getting warmer, how come we had that snowapalooza? If you live in New York and want to marry your goat, I think that now it’s OK.