Is this really a golden age of television — and a Silly Putty age for film?

I want to do this real scientific.

First, I pick three random viewers out of my mom’s colander: 12-year-old boy, 14-year-old boy, 16-year-old boy.


No, wait. To be scientifc, I’ve got to have a fleamale, haha.

Ok. And a 94-year-old lady, Esther Goldstein from next door.

Ok, guys. Hi, Mrs. Goldstein, would you please sit over there between Aaron and Isaac? Abe, move please.

Now I’m gonna name three movies and you tell me if they’re like gold or like Silly Putty.

It’s this stuff you take out of a can and you can squeeze it and if you press it on the paper, it’ll pick up the comics.

It’s a toy.

Ok, forget it. Let’s just say, are movies gold or are they stupid?

Now, I pick three movies. Say, “Sucker Punch,” “Battle: Los Angeles,” and “I Am Number Four.” How do you vote, gold or stupid?

Gold, gold, gold. Mrs. Goldstein? Mrs. Goldstein?

She’s ok. She just gets like that sometimes. Aaron, prop her up.

Ok, now I’m going to name three TV shows: “Mad Men,” “In Treatment,” “The Good Wife.”

Gold or stupid?

I can’t say that.

No, forget about “True Blood,” “Breaking Bad,” and “The Walking Dead.” I didn’t pick those.

I’m not stupid. You’re stupid.

Ok, ok. Let’s just say TV is stupid if it’s like the ones I named or gold if it’s like the ones you named, with vampires, meth, and zombies.

Thank you, Lily, for the topic. I think you have your answer.

Top 5 Movies Begging to Be Remade

As a screenwriter in Hollywood, I am constantly confronted with producers begging me to rewrite this movie or that. But will they front some money for my efforts, or are they just crying into their apple martinis as we have a few drinks at some local Hollywood watering hole of an evening?

Then, there are the actors who importune me, seeing themselves in this classic role or that, sure that a remake will vault them into the pantheon of greatness.

Finally come the fans I meet, those folks who watch movies every day, blog about movies, tweet about movies. Zombies walk among us. They are alive, but have no life. Many crave remakes.

Note that I’ve never had a movie itself actually beg me for a remake script. When mixing drinks with various drugs, I’ve had movies talk to me. Also trees, animals, and hookers. But no begging. Well, except for some of the less assertive hookers, who will beg instead of demanding to be paid.

Top movies begged for:

5. The Hangover (2009) – I started working on a remake script of this one the moment it hit big. Unfortunately, Jon Lucas and Scott Moore beat me to greenlight, labeling their version a “sequel” and setting it in Thailand. That’s ok. Mine’s just like the first one and theirs, but set in Honolulu. I’ll label it “The Hangover 3.”

4. Toy Story 3 (2010) – Top grosser of 2010. The producer’s obvious favorite for a remake.

3. Dumbo (1941) – This is the top fan pick. Avatar-like 3D. Flying fracking elephants! Dumbo is a Judd Apatow/Seth Rogen teenage elephant with full-frontal raunchy humor. Female teen elephant voiced by Miley Cyrus. Songs. Elephant dung falling from the heavens onto an irate James Cromwell.

2. Swimming to Cambodia (1987) – My friend, the actor Richard (not his name), wants this one. “It’s a one-man show,” I say. “Spalding Grey’s personal experiences. How is a remake going to work?” “Replace some of his experiences with some of mine,” Richard says. “We’re kindred spirits.” Knowing that Spalding Grey committed suicide and that Richard has tried to do so twice, I’m not touching this one without significant $$$ up front.

1. Cujo (1983) – My personal choice for a remake. I’m working on it now. In my version, the original Cujo is replaced by that Beverly Hills talking chihuahua, but with really, really bad rabies. Angelina Jolie plays Donna Trenton. Instead of a damned Pinto, she’s driving an Escalade, which, it turns out, is no match for the crazy chihuahua.

Thanks to Klaus for the topic.