Plane turns round due to toilet issues despite 84 plumbers on board (Mirror)

It was a United Airlines flight.

15 of the plumbers were scabs, outnumbered by more than four to one. They kept their traps shut (no pun intended).

30 of the plumbers were undocumented. They wished to fly under the radar (no pun intended).

The 39 union, U.S. plumbers all had their wives with them, who said “I want to spend one day with you when you don’t stink.”

The 39 plumbers consulted with the airplane crew and offered estimates for their 39 different solutions plus individual bills for the consultations.

If a plumber comes to your house, he (I haven’t met a she plumber yet, tho I’m sure there are some) won’t use your facilities, even after he’s fixed them. In the current situation, the wives asked for a pass on that convention.

If you invite a plumber over for dinner, he will use the facilties but won’t fix them.

The airline held itself blameless, as the plumbing problem was initiated by the free snacks distributed for the flight, which were bacteria-ridden after being packaged by a fly-by-night (no pun intended) company in West N’aai’banistan.

There were 24 yoga instructors on board who helped passengers learn how to “hold it.” Some did.

There were 2 shrinks, to help with the shame.

Hawaii Told To Fix Its Alert System (BBC Headline)

Shoutout to the BBC. Don’t know how you found out about my tweet to Hawaii, but thanks for backing me up.

Folks, the “I survived the Hawaii missle attack” t-shirts are now available in merch. Stock up!

My suggestions to Hawaii:

  1. Warn us of alerts in advance! By the time I got my fried-pineapple cart out on the street, half my potential customers were cowering up in the rain forest.
  2. Change the message! Instead of “Missile attack,” why not “Surf’s up”? Can you imagine the surge if the nuke went off just before it reached the shore?
  3. Include an action for the reader to take! Blame somebody! For example, “Missile attack in 35 minutes. Call your congressperson. Register to vote. Go outside and buy fried treats.”
  4. Fire somebody! Hire somebody better! Can I have the job? I’ll bring my cart.
  5. Widen the broadcast! I have a pickup with speakers on the back. I could drive around the city spouting off.