Top-Five Lists for a Contest

Is Your Dog an Addict?

1. He’s smoking his kibble.

2. He turned his soup bone into a bong.

3. You thought he was out sniffing around, but, no. He was snorting.

4.  He’s dealing Mexican mushrooms in the shape of Milk Bones down at the dog park.

5. His heart worms are abandoning ship.

Is Your Dog Entering His Doggy Teen Years?

1. You try to talk to him nicely but he’s always barking back at you and then making a sound like “Sheesh!”

2. There is more  licking than  is normal and healthy, and you doggy seems to be going blind and growing hair on the pads of his feet.

3. He’s been hanging out with the pitbulls down by the pool hall.

4. The chihuahua next door is big with children.

5. When you say “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good doggie?” he just shrugs.

Does Your Dog Have Social Woes of the Canine Kind

1. When you call him, “Here Poncy Brutus Willywonkas III,” he tucks tail and runs the other way.

2. He’s stopped chasing squirrels and started chasing policemen.

3. He’s been brooding and sharpening his canines ever since you had him neutered.

4. When you throw a frisbie and tell him to fetch it, he runs out and poops on it.

5. The other dogs refuse to sniff him.

Is Your Dog Hard to Find When the Moon Is Full?

1. You find a copy of The Hound of the Baskervilles in his doghouse.

2. He’s stopped baying at the moon and started howling.

3. He’s slavering  more than usual.

4. His best friend is a bat.

5. All the squirrels are gone.

Has Your Dog Gone Punk?

1. He comes home with his ears cropped like a doberman.

2. You can’t find your Glock. 

3. He’s wearing ear studs and a spiked collar and instead of obeying commands, he’s starting to bark them.

4. He brought home an F- from obedience school.

5. He prefers Officer O’Reilly’s leg to a hydrant.