Hawaii Told To Fix Its Alert System (BBC Headline)

Shoutout to the BBC. Don’t know how you found out about my tweet to Hawaii, but thanks for backing me up.

Folks, the “I survived the Hawaii missle attack” t-shirts are now available in merch. Stock up!

My suggestions to Hawaii:

  1. Warn us of alerts in advance! By the time I got my fried-pineapple cart out on the street, half my potential customers were cowering up in the rain forest.
  2. Change the message! Instead of “Missile attack,” why not “Surf’s up”? Can you imagine the surge if the nuke went off just before it reached the shore?
  3. Include an action for the reader to take! Blame somebody! For example, “Missile attack in 35 minutes. Call your congressperson. Register to vote. Go outside and buy fried treats.”
  4. Fire somebody! Hire somebody better! Can I have the job? I’ll bring my cart.
  5. Widen the broadcast! I have a pickup with speakers on the back. I could drive around the city spouting off.