Top 5 Hollywood Rumors This Week (2)

– One of the top voodoo practitioners in Hollywood, at the behest of Selena Gomez, has FedEx’d to Justin Bieber an Elvis finger, as a birthday good-luck juju. This does not prove that Elvis is dead, but it does prove that he no longer has ten fingers.

– Justin Bieber rolled three Yahtzees in a row in a game against his tutor.

– The other top voodoo practitioner in Hollywood, at the behest of Shia Labeouf, has UPS’d to Justin Bieber a finger from Macaulay Culkin, as a bad juju. Since Culkin appears to have ten fingers remaining, it proves that he previously had eleven.

– Justin Bieber’s tutor rolled three Yahtzees against Bieber and shouted “Suck on this, bitch!”

– Paparazzi have photographed Justin Bieber on the beach at Malibu picking his nose. It cannot be determined from the pics whether he is using the Elvis finger, or Culkin’s.

Top 5 Hollywood Rumors This Week (1)

Note: Tupac was last week.

All rumors heard at Harvard and Stone on Hollywood Blvd.

5. Jerry Bruckheimer’s kids won’t let him throw their birthday parties ever again because of the explosions, the fire, and the time that it takes a skin graft to heal.

4. Paris Hilton is no longer a female.

3. Brad and Angelina are still together.

2. The Mayan end-of-the-world 2012 curse applies in particular to all American Idol winners.

1. Elvis committed suicide last year at the age of 75.