Laser scans uncover vast Mayan cities under Guatemalan jungles (AXIOS)

Airbnb, don’t bother going down. Our Airfnf subsidiary has locked up special agreements and arrangements with all the cities.

For the rest of you, come on down for the ultimate “Green” vacation.

Don’t speak Mayan? No worries. The folks in these cities speak a Mayan so old, the current Mayans in the area can’t understand them either.

Special considerations:

  • Bring a machete
  • Binge watch The Living Dead before coming
  • Skip The Lost City of Z. They got it all wrong. Charlie, go back to Sons of Anarchy where you belong
  • Wear a tinfoil hat to ward off the lasers from above
  • Beds are made of solid stone, for your health
  • Bring two machetes

No WiFi. Bring a satellite phone.

To use Uber, make the sign of the U. If the native turns his back, climb on.

To use Twitter, look for a native wearing a toucan headdress. Act out your message, with plenty of facial expressions and hand gestures. Point to the person to receive the message.

Please pay us in full before leaving home.

     (thank you)