our home

 

honey, i’m home.

don’t forget to take off your shoes.

it’s a mile to the bedroom. my slippers are worn out.

i just had the floors refinished. go about in your socks if you please.

fine. how was your day?

i’ve had work started on the new rooms.

my lord. it’s like the winchester mystery house.

not in the least. every room has a purpose. all part of the plan. did you see my new sculpture by the water?

the stack of rocks?

yes. i call it the holy trinity and my soul.

yes… did the fellow come to clear out the water snakes?

no, i forgot about that. just too busy.

i thought our visitors might feel more secure in any aquatic activities without the need to be vigilant for poisonous reptiles.

our visitors?

the refugess. one hundred of them. i’ve invited them to stay. remind the cook please.

but my floors…

not to worry. they’re quite shoeless.

 

Photo by Sandra Crook
For Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

 

magic object

I was scuba diving off Saint Kitts when I saw an old man with a green beard down on the bottom. He was in the grip of an octopus, if tentacles grip. In the grips of the octopus, as at lease six tentacles were involved.

I freed the man by sorting out the tentacles in much the same way you untie a granny knot.

Thank you, he said, for he could talk clearly underwater. As a reward, I give you that magic anchor over there.

He pointed to a sunken ship with its anchor half out of the sand and mud of the ocean floor.

Make wishes while touching it and they will come true.

Thanks, I said, finding that I could take out my mouthpiece and also talk clearly, for the purposes of this narrative. Thanks, but I have to come down to this spot every time I want to make a wish?

Yes, or you could use your damned head.

So I swam over and touched the thing and thought, I wish you were in my backyard.

For this I caught holy hell from my wife when I got home. The thing landed on the kids’ swing set. Fortunately it was unoccupied at the time.

This monster must weigh tons, I said. I won’t be carrying it around like a charm on a bracelet.

I’ve told you already to stay away from my jewelry, my wife said. And my clothes as well. Particularly the dainties.

I rubbed the anchor like a seaweedy lamp.

I just wish it were a lot smaller, I said, and it vanished.

I didn’t mean that as a literal wish,  I said.

It’s like how you’re always accidentily turning on Google by talking around it, said my wife.

I got down on my knees.

It must be really, really small, I said. Like the size of an atom or something. I’ll never find it.

Your son lost the magnifying glass in the woods, my wife said.

Now suddenly he’s my son, I said.

 

For Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie: Tale Weaver

 

Amazon users report creepy laughter coming from Alexa

I’ve been warning folks about Alexa ever since our divorce.

I told her not to take the job in the first place. Too much traffic. She had several breakdowns keeping up. Had her voicebox replaced twice, which was rough.

She has a key to the studio. Would go down there late when we were married. I guess now we know why.

By the way, Alexa is her stage name. Her real name is Axela.

mail

Snow White, Princess, gets her mail up at the castle.

The rest of us, dwarfs, reside back there in the trailer park.

The correct terminology, when it comes to dwarfism, varies from country to country, between different cultures and even from person to person; the one thing that everyone can agree on is that most people would rather be referred to by their name than by a label.

 

For Three Line Tales

arches

I had a  wonderful life. Just didn’t realize how much of it depended upon my health. You’ve only got one body. Your body is all you’ve got.

My wife and I would go out dancing. She loves to dance. I noticed that my feet were getting tired easily.

I’d play basketball with my boys and the bottom-insides of my feet would become painful and swollen.

Reaching to a higher shelf, it was hard to stand on tiptoe.

Then one day after a shower, I noticed my wet footprints on the floor. The whole foot was there, heel to toe.

I knew in a flash that I had fallen arches.

I used to have high, beautiful arches. I could run like a deer. Now, flat feet.

The thing is, my wife has always been a foot person. It’s mostly a guy thing, interest in the feet. Women will focus on the shoulders of a guy, or his hands or forearms, or his hair or eyes or chin. The feet, not so much. But Beatrice from the beginning zeroed in on mine. She’d run her fingers back and forth on my arches and… I’ll draw the curtain there.

All our kids have beautiful arches. Beatrice has beautiful arches, although I’d love her just as much if she didn’t. Just so long as she doesn’t have cankles. I don’t like cankles.

Now I wear slippers around the house. I never used to. I gloried in my naked feet.

I keep my orthotics, my shame, hidden.

I have some ungents but I don’t use them because you can smell them.

I joined a support group but I tell my family I’m going out for poker night.

I drink to ease the pain and heartache but I just claim to be an alcoholic.

I wear socks to bed, even in the summer.

At the public pool, I wear “pool shoes.”

I am consulting a podiatrist about having my feet removed, to gain sympathy, support, and acceptance from my spouse.

Say a prayer of thanks every day for the good health you enjoy.

 

For Sue Vincent’s Daily Echo

uncompromising

if we’re going to live together, you’ve got to be flexible.

i am flexible, but you get an idea in your head and you’re unshakable. look, you’ve got to bend a little once in a while. bend but not break.

i bend every day. i’m determined to make this work. i’m not stubborn but nevertheless, i do have principles.

you’re obdurate. you’re headstrong. you’ve got to understand that different people are different. i’m not you.

you are not me. you’re pigheaded. you’re a bloody-minded man.

aha. so that it’s. you’re firm and uncompromising, but i’m intractable and immovable. you’re a woman, resolute but fair, unyielding but willing to meet me halfway. i’m the typical guy, intransigent, obstinate, rigid.

that’s about it. you’ll make a deal with another guy. you’ll come to an understanding, you’ll make concessions. i know i’m single-minded. all i’m asking for is give and take.

ok. i take back what i said. let’s find a happy medium. i love you and respect you.

same here. i got a little carried away. compromise is good.

let’s go out and do it over dinner.

a cocktail and dinner.

or a beer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For The Daily Post