Cosell’s Constant

One of the universal constants of our world is Cosell’s Constant, which is due to change quite soon.

When it increases from .05854 to .05855, a number of differences will be noticeable in our everyday life.

On the plus side:

  • We’ll be able to eat a little more
  • We’ll be a little taller
  • People will like you better, until they get to know you
  • Insects will make better pets than they do now
  • Drive-in movies will return
  • The separation of Church and State will become the separation of Church, State, and Justin Bieber

On the minus side:

  • In scientific calculations, quite a few pluses will become minuses
  • Grass will talk in a loud voice, especially in your front lawn
  • As for the crabgrass, don’t ask
  • Whoever the current US president is, or, no, whomever, will become the permanent king of the world and come to live with you.
  • Big pickles will no longer look as appetizing as they do now
  • The aging process will reverse, but only for the reviled

 

For Daily Post

One Response

  1. hahahaha I’m looking forward to the separation of church, state and justin bieber 😉

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