Hall of Fame: Practice Flyovers

Top five memorable synchronized airshow practice flyovers:

1. Bucharest – For the first time in 350 years, all the babies in the sprawling Grigorescu orphanage were asleep at the same time. In preparation for the city’s coming celebration of the coronation of the country’s new king, the Regal Cvintet of GJ343 Steaua Polara ramjets chose that moment to fly over the city center and perform their complex and long-lasting series of aereal gymnastics, afterburners on. Then for the first time in 350 years, no baby in the orphanage was asleep.
2. Paris –  The world’s greatest collection of fine and rare crystal, gathered for the occasion from 78 countries, was assembled in La Place De La Place for a grand showing, when the TriColore FRG009 Cinq unleashed one unholy hell of a practice session in advance of the kickoff celebrations for the Tour de France. Setting new records for low-flying without noise retardant equipment, the Cinq reduced the crystal show below it to a fragment – well, fragments – of itself in moments.
3. Quattbongbong – On the night before the long-planned very secret marriage of Paulabong Ankarabing and Tomabing Hankarabong took place, the ไท กองทัพอากาศ ช้างบิน (Thai Air Force Flying Elephants) flew over so low, practicing flying, that the bride and groom were thown into a complete ความหวาดกลัว (tizzy).
4. Honolulu – The combined-service Rainbow Angels began performing their synchronized stunts over the city just as a bogus warning of a nuclear attack was broadcast across the island. Grown men broke down at the sound of the incoming jets, reduced to tears, crying like teeny tiny babies.
5. Washington, D.C. – The U.S. Navy XSNAFU super-helicopter precision quintet and the U.S. Air Force FU Flying Five were inadvertently sent to practice over the District Fairgrounds on July 3, in advance of the Fourth of July, at the same time. This sudden saturation of airspace over the Fairground’s Sulky Racetrack with high-performance aircraft proved to be a zero-sum game for one hundred per cent of the pilots concerned. Sadly. That’s not what zero-sum means, but we didn’t want to go all grisly here.

Super Bowl History

Super Bowl      Similar to                        Notes

III                      G. Washington                 Old fashioned.

VII                     A. Jackson                       Redskins lose.

XXII                   A. Lincoln                        1st black QB win (Williams).

XLIII                  F. Roosevelt                     Most wins (Steelers).

XLIX                  B. Obama                        Most worldwide fans.

IILII                    Donald Trump                 Brain damage.

Police Arrest Wrong Man

“A misunderstanding,” Miles Door said, standing on the steps of the police station. “No hard feelings.”

Mr. Door was released after several hours of questioning.

“I went to school to pick up my son,” Door told us. “It was my turn today. My wife and I are separated.

“When I got there, I couldn’t see my child anywhere. A mom told me that she thought his friend Matt’s mom had given him a ride. My wife didn’t alert me, but that’s nothing new with her.

“Meanwhile, this kid Jason was standing there. The mom I was talking to told me that his parents also alternated and that it looked like they had gotten mixed up today too. So I put Jason in the car and headed out.

“But Jason couldn’t tell me where he lived. The kid is five. Don’t they know stuff like by five? So I took him back to the school but by then the place was deserted so I took him home. We got there and he was conked out in the booster seat in back. I left in him the car and let him sleep and called my wife and she gave me Matt’s mom’s number. She told me the mom was probably drunk on the couch because she’s like that. I mean, Matt’s mom because she drinks and my ex because she always has her claws out.

“So I call Matt’s mom and she does seem a little fuzzy and she wants to talk to her kid and I tell her he’s taking a nap and the next thing I know, she hangs up and ten minutes later I’m in handcuffs.

“The funny thing is, turns out, it was my son who was kidnapped.”

Whale Cruise

Jaded? Fancy a  unique cruise? How about following a pod of gray whales as they migrate 5,000 miles along the Pacific Coast shoreline, from wintering in their Baja breeding and calving grounds, to summer feeding in the Bering Sea between Alaska & Siberia?

My friend Enrico has attached a luxury travel pod (pod for a pod haha) to the back of a gray whale whilst it was passing San Francisco and the Farallons. This accommodation includes bed, bath, and kitchenette and will serve you well during your one-year round trip.

Per person: $20,000

Attractions include:

• Get to know the individual whales in the pod.
• Get to know their parasites. Gray whales are more heavily infested with a greater variety of parasites than any other cetacean, including lice, diatoms, lamprey, and barnacles.
• Get to know how in the ocean, it’s eat or be eaten.
• Tethered scuba gear provided, for those attacks of cabin fever.
• Attend the live birth of a whale calf. Earplugs provided, as the “whale song” caused by the mother’s delivery pain can get loud. This follows your presence at the calf’s conception (hold on to your hats; ride can get bumpy). Since gestation requires 13.5 months, a surcharge is added to your cruise cost for this feature.

Off Again

To Bura Turu. Thanks again, Danny, for minding the blog.

My favorite part of the island is now underwater.  😦

Everyone who can afford it has emigrated, many to Peurto Rico, where property prices are through the floor. Bargain hunters descend.

Only the poor remain on Bura. My special friend Gaugakao is gone, but I’ll catch him up in Paris.

The reefs are all bleached out. No fish. A Green group is experimenting with a new, resistant coral. A project for decades, if not centuries.

I’ll pick up all the remaining native art on the island. Exploitative, but money is money. The silver lining of disaster.