“The Shape of Heavy Water” Sues “The Shape of Water”

Sid Goldstein at Shande Pictures in Van Nuys informs me that his production company is suing Fox Searchlight for stealing copyrighted material from Shande.

“We made a sweet little picture and we turn around and Searchlight with their budget steals our ideas and beats us to market,” Goldstein tells me. “I knew a guy who knew a guy who could let us have all the heavy water we wanted on our project for such a price. That stuff has a, you know, a newton? or whatever, an extra one in every atom. Whatever you want to do with water, now you’ve got something to work with. Then Searchlight uses plain old tap water and their guy, the one who hooks up with the girl, he’s thin, he’s a broomstick. And then what? Oscar talk.”

“I like a heavy guy,” Zie Foyt told me. “I want something to grab on to. I’m no little fairy princess myself. I need a guy who won’t buckle when the going gets rough.”

“It was always like this,” Goldstein said. “I remember back in ’92, we were making a nice little film, “The Smells of a Woman” I think it was titled and bam, here comes furshlugginer¬†Universal Pictures with “Scent of a Woman” and Pacino wins an Oscar. See, what it was, they just concentrated on one smell, like a lady’s perfume or something, and ignored all the rest of her “scents.” What can you do with people like that?”

The Spice That Hooked Medieval Nuns

(The Atlantic)

Hang on, Atlantic. There is a big difference between having a habit and being hooked.

The medieval nuns had habits and the habits were boring affairs. Monochromatic. Itchy.

Don’t get me wrong. Living in a secure nunnery was vastly preferable to being stuck outside its walls, where life was nasty, brutish, and short, to coin a phrase. In the nunnery, the sisters made due with less: less mud, fewer fleas, and zero monks. Still, they could have done with something more, or so they told themselves. More less but also a little bit more more.

That’s when the wimple was invented, to spice up their habits. Each nun made herself two wimpli, one for the six quiet days and one for Sunday. In countries where the everpresent mud could be made to extract a dye, wimpli would be found of varying hues (they started out white but had to be washed in muddy water).

The monks answered with the invention of the cowl, but cowli just made the monks creepier than before. Why spend so much time on your tonsure if it were only to be covered with a hood? Nobody trusted a monk in a hoodie. In some neighborhoods, it was worth your life to beg for alms (or peanuts), especially if your robes were black.

Today, some nuns take their wimpli for granted. They want yet more. Some are wearing hats.

Blind long snapper wants to become starting QB (CNN)

A Post for Anglers

If you love fishing like I do, then you’re well familiar with the long snapper, that redoubtable piscine gladiator who will fight you to the finish once hooked.

But perhaps you have never encountered the Mbisi version of this snapper (Lutjanus Bwanobu). Living in the dark rivers that flow through the limestone caverns beneath Mount Mbumibiawnabu, caverns carved out over the eons, the Mbisi snapper is the opposite of a fighter. It is easily frightened and once in that state, wants to be QB (EATEN) or LB (at least CHEWED) (emphasis theirs).

The Mbisi fishermen squat on the banks of those stygian courses underground and clap their hands loudly when they hear a passing snapper. The startled fish flops out of the water at their feet, ready to be taken home and fried in a pan.

The tribesmen charge only a modest fee to act as your guide in the caverns. The only difficulty you will encounter in hiring them is the thousand-mile journey on foot through steaming jungles rife with the tsetse fly and swarming QBQ (EAT YOU) short snappers in the swamps.