Can I sue?

Q: I purchased a squirrel as a pet. But no, it is not a Sciurus carolinensis, or gray squirrel, as advertised, but instead a Sciurus pteromyini. Yes, a flying squirrel. Can I sue?

A: When you say “as advertised,” do you mean that a public advertisement specifically identified the squirrel to be purchased as a carolinensis?

Q: Well, no. But the picture was of a gray squirrel.

A: The pteromyini is also gray.

Q: Well, ok, but the squirrel in the picture had that big tail that they have, the gray squirrels.

A: I have seen some fairly large tails on the pteromyini. Who, I remind you, are also gray. Or grey, in the UK. Could you discern in the picture signs of baggy skin in the armpit and legpit areas?

Q: Well, I mean, the animal, or “pet,” wasn’t flying in the picture! If it had been flying, that would have been a dead giveaway, wouldn’t it?!

A: I have seen the gray squirrel, when falling after losing its grip, attempt to fly. Domestic house cats also spread their limbs when falling, and achieve their terminal velocity after three floors of descent.

Q: Well, Jesus. Can I sue or not??

A: I’ll need to see the picture in that advertisement before I make a determination. It occurs to me that you may have inadvertently purchased a Felis silvestris catus.

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