What Two-Thirds Of Wives Admit About Sex

[Headline, Huffington Post]

Which two-thirds of wives, you ask. Is it the two-thirds who aren’t like your own wife? Because we know that there are a lot of women out there to whom we aren’t married. Sometimes, just for fun, we pretend in our imaginations that we are married to one of these women. Such little dreams rarely include anything like mowing the lawn or fishing another chore out of the job jar.

Or is it the third of wives who are like your wife, plus a fourth third who are even worse than the other thirds? That is, will your wife and Angelina Jolie admit the same thing when it comes to sex? Sex with you, that is. They say that Angelina will always be kind – consider all those adopted children – always be kind, unlike her curmudgeonly father, that old poop. I did like him in Runaway Train, though.

The funny thing is, there are those guys out there who are always saying, “Come on, you know you want it. Admit it.” So it’s natural that you would think, “Yeah, two-thirds of women (excluding your wife) really want it. They should admit it.” Or, always the contrarian, perhaps you think, “Hah, they don’t really want it and if they had any guts, they’d admit it, instead of telling me they had a long day and they just want to read for a minute and then turn out the lights and go to sleep – quit pawing me for God’s sake.”

That’s what you’d think, being a guy. But you would be wrong. There is a whole lot more to sex than, you know, sex. It’s not all about your double bed, after the kids are asleep, with the lights off, after you’ve taken a shower and brushed your teeth and got a picture of one of those other two-thirds of wives firmly fixed in your mind. When they’re alone, you don’t think wives talk about butterfly kisses? Lingerie? That time in high school when they did the guy in the ferris wheel?

The bottom line is this: what women want and think and feel, especially about you, you don’t want to know.

4 Responses

  1. That is so true if you are insecure about your relationship. I was in a marriage where after about 9 years I always felt like I was walking on eggshells with her because we had stopped communicating our thoughts and feelings a long time before that.

  2. Oh, I know, believe me. My better half doesn’t even try to disguise her disgust with me anymore. I’ve made the mistake too many times of discovering exactly what she thinks, and what she wants, and how she feels. Note to all: if you happen across your wife’s diary, even by accident, NEVER, EVER read it because you’ll want to die after you do.

  3. Humans are very confused animals. We can’t make up our minds whether we are monogamous or polygamous or polyamorous. We can’t make up our minds whether we are heterosexual or homosexual or simply want to hump anything that moves, whether it has a hump or an orifice or a hand or an armpit. I can’t conceive why my wife isn’t interested in these musings. Of course, it was a lot easier for her to conceive than it was for me to do so. Though she did some cooperation on my part.

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