A Critique of “Drowning (A Story)” for the 100-Word Challenge

A link to Drowning (A Story).

A link to this 100-Word Challenge.

Reminder: A critique doesn’t have to be negative, which is good, because I would not presume.

Critique

To the author: well done.

“Drowning” is an excellent 100-word story, assuming that it doesn’t bother you to read about someone going down in a plane and drowning.

A nit: Aquamarine waters swallowed the aeroplane as it descended.” Would not the waters swallow the plane after it descended, not as it descended? Of course, once immersed, the plane must still descend to the bottom, to become a tourist snorkeling attraction once the bodies have been removed.

Also, a woman gets her neck wrung (she survives) and vases get broken, which might render the story inappropriate for younger readers.

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6 Responses

  1. Well done Joe for setting out the ‘rules’ of a critique. You have delved into this piece in your usual microscopic way. I don’t think children would be offended given the sort of things many of them watch and games they play.

  2. Thanks for the entertaining critique. I see your point about “swallowed.” I felt that “swallowed” was accurate because the water was digesting the plane piece by piece. So, one part of the plane goes down and gets swallowed, then another part goes down and gets swallowed, and it continues. Besides, I quite like the word’s panache. πŸ˜‰

    • That’s why I try never to critique anything. I totally missed your swallowing image – gulp – so the critiquer ends up being the critiquee, for criticizing something that he didn’t understand. Perhaps I thought that if half got swallowed, then half of the remainder, so forth, there would always be a little bit still sticking out.

  3. LOL And I am entertained entirely just from reading the comments, no story needed, lol. But thank you anyway πŸ™‚

  4. Joe – the fact you have people debating the imagery of ‘swallowed’ just proves what an effective critique this was.

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