Christmas Definitions 8

Christmas Dangers – Going old-fashioned (candles on trees, old hot lights with bad wiring, bubble lights, lead-based tinsel, glass ornaments, etc.), pet dangers (food, decorations, toppling tree), emotional pain vis a vis gifting, children becoming confused about Santa/Jesus and setting off on a path to hell.

Mistletoe – A plant that you hang up a sprig of and the girl standing under it has to kiss you. Only, make sure that she knows it’s there and doesn’t slug you instead. This may be your only chance until you get to college and go to some drunken frat party, so don’t blow it!.

Mince Pie – I won’t mince words. Your guests don’t know what’s in your mince pie, so they go for the pumpkin instead. It’s an outrage. Educate them in advance as to the fact that the mince pie is filled with mincemeat.

Secret Santa – You’re lonely and somebody gives you this gift, only you don’t know who. You go home and you really like the gift. You could fall in love with the person who gave it to you. Was it Myrtle? What a conundrum!

Carols – Festive songs. The word has narrowed down to apply almost exclusively to upbeat Christmas songs. Can you have a lugubrious  carol? Well, there are a few Easter carols and I suppose that the crucifixion was a lugubrious event. Why are we even talking about this?

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