Christmas Definitions 6

Tis the Season to be Jolly – Don’t take this one too literally. Jolly these days can often come across as kinky or weird. Try to be upbeat, sure, even though inside you may be torn apart because your girlfriend… Aw, nuts. Forget it.

Nutcracker – Beloved gift of the little girl. Whether or not she used it for its intended purpose, I don’t know.

North Pole – There is still a little snow. The Russians haven’t started drilling for oil yet.

Santa’s Helpers – Refers to the elves, not to that faux Santa down at the mall. Santa doesn’t really need any help. It’s probably more like Angelina Jolie and her orphans.

Eggnog – Milk with eggs and cream and sugar and lots and lots of rum, which goes right to your noggin ha ha.

Wassail – Wassup!?! It’s hot, mulled punch. Listen, so often the family starts begging you and begging you for the wassail and finally you give in, before it’s properly mulled. For the rest of the night, everybody is drinking half-mulled wassail. Sad.

Soul cake – Actually a cake for Holloween, but Peter, Paul, and Mary, and then Sting, made it about Christmas, so I’m having mine with my nog, hoping that it’ll sop up some of that rum and release it later.

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