Christmas Definitions 2

Jingle Bells – The bells that jingle, as opposed to those that ring, ring out wildly, ding, ring a ding ding, alarm you, warn you, signal end of class finally!, bell the cat, toll, are cacophonous, signal a metaphorical weather change, clang, tinkle, chime, or otherwise aren’t sufficiently Christmasy.

Xmas – Sorry, but this one’s got me beat.

Christmas Carolers – They stroll from house to house, singing Christmas songs. Maybe they’ll come to your house. Go out and thank them with a big smile. What’s the matter with you?

Silent Night – Christmas back before pro football, tweets, and texting.

Santa Claus – Knows whether you’ve been naughty or nice, and, to the penny, the worth of your parents. Your presents reflect this knowledge accordingly.

Mistletoe – A prickly parasitic excuse for kissing, sort of like your strange old Uncle Norm.

Fruitcake – You macerate and age it; your recipients just age it.

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2 Responses

  1. I never became much of a writer, especially not of fiction. I am trying to envision a “locked room” Christmas murder mystery, perhaps one involving a fruitcake as the murder weapon, perhaps an old queer as the victim? Sort of a John Dickson Carr or G. K. Chesterton style mystery?

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