Jingle Bells – The bells that jingle, as opposed to those that ring, ring out wildly, ding, ring a ding ding, alarm you, warn you, signal end of class finally!, bell the cat, toll, are cacophonous, signal a metaphorical weather change, clang, tinkle, chime, or otherwise aren’t sufficiently Christmasy.
Xmas – Sorry, but this one’s got me beat.
Christmas Carolers – They stroll from house to house, singing Christmas songs. Maybe they’ll come to your house. Go out and thank them with a big smile. What’s the matter with you?
Silent Night – Christmas back before pro football, tweets, and texting.
Santa Claus – Knows whether you’ve been naughty or nice, and, to the penny, the worth of your parents. Your presents reflect this knowledge accordingly.
Mistletoe – A prickly parasitic excuse for kissing, sort of like your strange old Uncle Norm.
Fruitcake – You macerate and age it; your recipients just age it.