I’ll Not Come

(“My Top Three Excuses” contest. 150-word limit)

1. Sirs. Thanks for inviting me to your presentation of a great time-share opportunity. I understand that if I attend, I’ll win a car, an iPad, or a great deal on the time-share. I already have a car and an iPad, so I would only come if I thought I could win the great deal. But you’d probably just give me the car or the iPad and then try to sell me the time-share anyway, so I’ll not come.

2. Sirs. Thanks for the invitation to your clearinghouse magazine-subscriptions presentation. I understand that I may (and probably have) won one million dollars already. Therefore, please send me the million and sign me up for all the magazines. No need for me to come.

3. Sirs. Thanks for the invite to Nigeria, but you just keep the ten million from this long-lost uncle of mine. You need it more than I. I’ll not come.

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