(“My Top Three Excuses” contest. 150-word limit.)
1. Dearest Mary. I would love to come to your party. May I open the festivities with a prayer? I know that you said “Never again,” but I will try to be more concise this time.
2. Dearest Mary. No prayer? May I at least speak to the crowd for a moment on the importance of Christ in our lives? I know that you said “Take me out and shoot me if this ever happens again,” but I’ll try to limit my observations.
3. Dearest Mary. Nevertheless, I will come. I’ll park out on the curb and pray for your souls, for the duration of the party. I’ll honk once every five minutes, meaning “I love Jesus.”