GRAPHIC VIDEO: Monkey Attack Caught On Tape

(Headline in the Huffington Post, 11/17/11)

I picked up my son Saturday morning. Outing with divorced dad. A beautiful day.

My son wasn’t mad at me, or bitter that I had moved out. We got along. He was excited to visit the new primate exhibit at the zoo.

We stood in line for tickets. Everyone wanted to see the monkeys. The new enclosure was extensive. A zoo is a jail, I suppose, but this jail, for the monkeys at least, was more pleasant than usual. There were many new apes, some quite wild. We spent a long time admiring them and their antics. Zoo personnel went in and out of the enclosure several times, always careful to keep the gates locked. No one wanted a wild ape running loose.

We took a break for some lunch. Spent a pleasant half-hour at a table in the sun, eating zoo food. Talked about mom and me and why we were apart.

As we were leaving, we heard some crowd noise down a side path.

His mom was waiting to pick up our sonĀ at the gate. We were friendly with each other, she and I, but a little formal. After she had pulled away from the curb, with the boy waving to me from the passenger’s seat, I turned and walked back to my new apartment.

Ax-Wielding Man Chops Snow Plow

(Headline in Huffington Post, 11/17/11)

Have you ever whacked a solid-steel plow blade with an ax? Even with gloves, it stings. Wrecks the ax. Doesn’t even scratch the plow. What was I thinking?

I started with a little bitty rubber hammer. Kindergarten. Gingerbread house. Total destruction.

I was lonely as a child. The others were wary. I went through a ball-peen stage before settling on a claw.

I skipped college and got work at Johnson’s Concrete Removal. Pneumatic hammers and drills. I thought about becoming a dentist but gave it up.

I switched to axes one night in August. I was down on the south side of town driving nails into telephone poles when an old lady came out of her house and said, “I axed you befo’ not to do dat.”

Have you ever been in love? What do you chop up then? Discarded mattresses and sofas on the sidewalk? I wanted to buy my baby the moon with a ribbon tied around it. I guess I went a little crazy.