First Video Ever Of The Female Brain During Orgasm

(Headline in the Huffington Post, 11/16/11.)

Note: There have been numerous false alarms, but for the first time in this particular study, the female subject was not faking it. This is not to say that faking it is particularly common on the distaff side during the human act of love, but our subject was being paid by the orgasm, which provided an unwanted perturbation to the experiment. She also claimed that she was owed something extra, because the lab swapped out the hunk she had originally been paired with, and replaced him with the decrepit head of the department, who wanted a go.

This is the fourth video in the orgasm series, after First Video Ever of the Female Hand, the Female Foot, and the Female Nose During Orgasm, none of which proved a big seller on the black market of sex.

At the critical moment, the subject was thinking about eating a cream puff.

The speech center was also involved, as the subject burst out with “C’mon, Baby, Momma needs a new pair of shoes!”

Is an orgasm harmful to the female brain? The subject’s rage centers seemed rather inflamed during the initial motions of the experiment. The subject reported that this was due to her extreme distaste for “the old bugger” atop her. The inflammation moderated when he told her that it was worth an extra thousand if she would “shake that thing.”

The subject’s temperature began to rise dramatically during the exercise, but this could have been caused by the failure of our electric fan partway though the monitored coitus.

Differences between the male and female brains during orgasm? Wow. You really want to go there? This is Nature’s dirtiest act we’re talking about here. So the guy, it’s like, it’s like a train going into a tunnel, or a rocket taking off. Or maybe like one of those oil-drill pumping things. For a gal, it’s more like a tunnel with a train coming in, or a big, moist thundercloud with a rocket shooting through. Let’s leave it at that.

Teens Discover New Ways To Hide, Consume Alcohol

(Headline in The Huffington Post, 11/15/11)

Just to be clear, teens invented alcohol, back in those prehistoric days when precious few of the tribe made it past the age of twenty.

For the same reason, teens invented sex, hunting, gathering, and fur clothing.

A fourteen-year-old girl, feeling rebellious like they do, had to take it out on her pet tortoise, which was the only thing older than a teenager in the cave.

How the alcohol thing happened was, the cute-girl clique went out gathering one day and came back with a collection of grains, fruits, and the odd root. They gave the rebellious fourteen-year-old with zits the whole mess in a fur bag and told her to prepare dinner. She dumped the bagfull of stuff  into a rock pot and left it sitting out in the sun all day. When dinnertime rolled around, and all the teens were lounging by the fire enjoying some major preprandial hemp, the girl poured off the fluids that had accumulated  in the pot and served it around, and everybody present got righteously tight on top of their high. Thus was born “drinking.”

Cut to the 60s. Girls hid nip bottles in their beehives. One reason the braless fad died out was the need for C cups or bigger to secret pills and cigarettes in.

Cut to nowadays. Parents go on interminably about their wine-tasting trips to Napa and the cases of fine vintage they’ve brought back. They keep fifteen brands of flavored vodka on the shelf. Microbreweries proliferate. Even Mormons are doing grape jello shots. What a bore. You’re a kid with a favorite? Just add your bottle to the shelf. By the time you sober up, you’ll be an adult too.