Guest Post: Concerned Mom

Thanks for giving me this chance to make a plea for advice.

I have a wonderful son named Tommy. He is very bright, but he wets the bed, starts fires, and hurts small animals. I’m told that these are the three clear indications that he’ll grow up to be a serial killer.

I took him to our family priest, but that’s when he started with the fires. I took him to a family therapist, but that’s when he started torturing kittens and puppies. I’d like to take him to a child psychiatrist, but I’m afraid that if I do, he’ll kill someone. Possibly the psychiatrist.

He’s a loving boy. When I ask him a question, he’ll say “Yes, Mommy Dear” or “No, Mommy Dear.”

He likes to climb into bed with us at night, and wedge himself in between my husband and me. Last night, however, I noticed that he brought a butcher knife along with him.

I want to sit down and hash this whole thing out with my husband, but I haven’t seen him in two days.

Helpful hints welcome!

Tea Party vs Occupy

My dad is worth several billionĀ  dollars. He keeps his money to himself. On Sunday nights after sex, he gives my mom a belly pack stuffed with large bills. That constitutes her working budget for the week.

My mom hates this arrangement. She hates that my dad is so rich. He didn’t earn it. The money lay in a bank waiting for him to be born.

My dad’s mom, on the other hand, is glad that he has the money, even though he won’t let her get near it. He gives her a small pack of it every week. Not after sex, of course. As far as she’s concerned, he desrves it and has every right to keep it to himself as much as he wants.

What my dad’s mom doesn’t like is how my mom runs the family and spends her weekly share of the money. My dad’s mom believes that my mom wastes her money. On organic food. On concerts. On donations to charity. My dad’s mom would reduce this spending by more than one half. She would cut off the allowances to my sister and myself. She believes that the two of us should get jobs at McDonald’s after school and work our way up to the top of leading financial institutions.

My sister ignores all of this. She hangs out with a group of recent college graduates that does a lot of drugs and sex and, according to her, creative art projects.

I spend most of my time online in an anonymous hackers group. Our goal is to crash the Internet in its totality and end Western Civilization as we know it.