How to Debate

Watching the Republican debates, I’ve been impressed with how much these guys have to learn.

Some debating tips:

– Pay no attention to your opponent. This knucklehead isn’t going to change his views no matter what you say. Don’t bother with him. Of course, if your opponent is a babe and you’ve already been hitting on her in the green room, then start out by praising her outrageously. After that, you can ignore her until after the debate.

– Ignore the moderator and his or her stupid questions. Answer your own questions instead. All politicians do this automatically already.

– Your job is to convince the audience of your point of view. Focus totally on the audience. Ideally, choose one audience member and focus on her. If she is hot, in the front say, showing some leg, try to make eye contact occasionally, dragging your gaze up from her body to her face.

– One fact maximum per response. Do not get complicated. Truth is not a priority. Nothing to teach the presidential candidates here.

– Avoid all those fun words that you use every day to spice up your conversation. Do not use the F word, the N word, the C word, the M-F word, or the M word (Mucaca).

– Choke up on the word “Mom.”

– Finally, find someone in the audience who makes you mad just to look at. A Mexican? Some dweeb with a good-looking chick? Your wife? Focus on her for your final rant. As you finish up, have a little sweat on your brow, but don’t get all lathered up. If you’re soaking wet, you’ll lose all the women in the room, except for those few with a sweat fetish.

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3 Responses

  1. These are obviously the techniques I should be using in job interviews.

    • Whoa, job interviews. I must write on that subject (feel free to do so also, especially if you’re interviewing). Job interviews are a whole nother thing. Great way to meet chicks!

  2. hahahahaha… but it would be funnier if these clowns didn’t have a shot at being president. what a country eh? continue…

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