9 – 9 – 9

Looks like Herman Cain and I both think alike, what with each of us having a 9-9-9 plan.

I understand that Cain’s has something to do with taxes. Snore. Mine lays out a way of life.

9 children, 9 mistresses, 9 towns.

What does this mean?

It means keep the wife pregnant with 9 kids over a period of 15 years or so.

This frees you up for 9 mistresses. You need seven for the days of the week, plus a couple for backup. Nine is enough to cover all the different ethnic groups and ages of women that you’re interested in.

9 towns means keep the women separate. It doesn’t mean towns scattered all over the country. That would be stupid. But say you live in Cleveland. Keep your women in Euclid, Linndale, Bedford Heights, Newburgh Heights, Fairview Park, Lakewod, Warrensville Heights, Parma, and Shaker Heights. This way, you’re not hitting the same restaurants, shops, and sex clubs with all of them, which would be boring.

I myself am not a rich guy. No way I could pay the rent on nine apartments for these women, so part of the deal is that they earn their rent on the side, if you know what I mean. As long as a mistress of mine never keeps me waiting, she is as free as a bird. If she turns a trick here or there, it’s no skin off my nose.

Herman Cain, being rich and successful, probably doesn’t need a 9 – 9 – 9 plan, for taxes or women or anything else. I don’t know why he bothers with it, but I guess that’s his business. I myself for sure don’t have time to be fooling around with taxes. I leave all that to my wife.

7 Responses

  1. Yes, you have a brilliant plan–much like Herman Cain. I want to see another politician come out with Dong Dong Dong. It has something to do with doorbells, a donkey and a Chinese person. It will stick in everyone’s memory, because it’s three of the same words. And, oh yeah, it will save the world.

  2. Reminds me: Comb through mail order bride listings for the most demure among them. Bring them over and force them to get jobs, where you will take half of their income. Do this until you achieve 50 women.

  3. very witty. i haven’t as yet developed my plan based on 3 of the same numbers…i will work on this. continue…

  4. Cain has unleashed a monster trope here…

  5. This reminds me of that old rhyme about a man from St. Ives except I’m not bored and being yelled at by my math teacher.

    • Yes, except that that dude went Big Love, with 7 wives instead of mistresses. Each with cats. That’s the “Crazy – Crazy – Crazy” plan.

      • I don’t care how you boys do it over in St. Ives, here in America we follow the 9-9-9 system.

        I know most athletes have girlfriends in different cities they play in. I hope you don’t feel like they’re stealing your thunder.

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