Two weeks of news stories about Chris Christie and not one mention of his weight, other than the jokes on “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” Is this because weight is not an issue in presidential elections? Hey, Taft and Cleveland got elected. One of them, I forget which, as President got stuck in his own bathtub. Or is this weight lacuna caused by a fear of the outcry that is sure to follow any such mention?
Whatever. The question made me wonder whether there are similar issues with the other candidates who are running – that is, potential issues in the voters’ minds that the press never mentions, such as the following:
Rick Perry – His intelligence, or lack thereof.
Mitt Romney – The possible whipped cream at his core; that he can be pushed around politically, once elected.
Michele Bachmann – Her possible mental illness; or that, if she is accurate in that which she surmises, a lot of that ghost stuff in horror movies is actually real.
Newt Gingrich – That name. “Newt.”
Sarah Palin – The presence of evil in our everyday lives.
Herman Cain – A comparison of Obama/Cain “blackness.” And the pizza. Does anybody go into detail about that pizza?
Jon Huntsman – That name. “Jon.”
Gary Johnson – Who?
Fred Karger, Andy Martin, Jimmy McMillan, Tom Millar, Buddy Roemer, Vern Wuensche – Huh?
Ron Paul – There is nothing here that the press could not mention that would matter. There is nothing here that the press could mention that would matter. Paul would take apart the clock of government, spread out the cogs and springs and gears and admire them, and then be clubbed to death by members of a roving band of scavengers looking for food in his post-apocalyptic libertarian world.
Rick Santorum – I can’t remember. Is he a cancer survivor or a recovered alcoholic or recently divorced or something like that, or just a political loser with that “loser” stink enveloping him like a cloud?
Donald Trump – I know that he’s long gone, but during his fifteen minutes of candidacy, was his hair an issue? I guess it wouldn’t prove anything if it were, but I think that the hair deserves a nod, even if the head under it doesn’t.