Child Labor

One of the two urinals in my workplace is attached low on the wall, situated close to the floor, as if for a child. A coworker laughingly suggested that it was in fact installed to accommodate child labor. Ha ha. But his comment did remind me of the various times that I have hired kids to work for my company.

Sadly, in difficult economic times like these, the little ones are the first to get canned. Why is this so? They work for peanuts. You can boss them around and abuse them. Yet somehow, they’re the first out the door. Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to get rid of the little buggers. You look at the charts on your office wall, all trending down, and you go out and give the first kid you see a boot in the ass and a snarl, and the next thing you know, they’re all streaming out the back door, heading back to their grammar schools.

Except for the gypsy kids that I had working for me. Skinny little monkeys. Fearless. Of course, they’ll steal you blind. Fortunately, I speak fluent Romany. I’d tell the little bastards that if they stole from me, I’d cut off their fingers. Think that stopped them? Not at all, at least till they’d lost a couple of  digits.

I find that if you can enlist enough kids, they’re sort of like ants. They can’t lift anything heavy, but they can scamper back and forth, making multiple trips, so that stuff moves from the truck trailers and boxcars into the warehouse as if by magic. I just put out a big bag of cheap candy and it keeps them going for hours, the candy and my German Shepherd Rex.

First sign that the economy is improving: hooky stats at school on the rise.

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