Debt-Limit Crisis

Visa contacted us recently and informed us that we were about to reach our debt limit, but that we had the option of increasing our limit if we acted before our current limit was reached, which I calculated would be in about two weeks.

My wife told me that we’ve increased the limit before and we should do so again, because we have obligations that we must meet.

I told my wife that I would not agree to an increase in the limit unless we dramatically cut our (her) spending. Fewer donations to charity. Fewer guns and knives for her purse, to be used for self defense. Less spending on frivolous visits to the doctor for her and the kids. Let’s get rid of some of these damned pets.

My wife told me that she would consider making some cuts, but that I needed to agree to make some more money. I told her no way, that would cut into my free time; that if I made more money, she’d just spend it; that making me work more and then taking my earnings away from me was just like taxing the rich; that we needed to “starve the beast.” She pointed out that my income has been flat for twenty years or so and that it’s just common sense that we need more money if we want to continue to live decently with a larger family. She pointed out that in this case, “the beast” was my family.

Did I mention that my wife is African-American? I’m a white guy from Iowa. My wife is a bleeding heart who never saw an undocumented alien she wouldn’t hire to mow our lawn.

“If we don’t get this done,” she said, “I won’t be able to send my parents a little money this month. You know they depend on it.”

“Baloney,” I said. “The day we reach our limit happens to be the day I get paid. We can send them some money and pay the interest on our Visa, no problem. With a little left over for food.”

“What about getting the grass mowed?”

“Tell Jose you’ll pay him later, or mow it yourself.”

“What about our trip to St. Louis?”

“We’ll go to Lincoln instead, and stay with my brother and his family.”

“Your brother keeps using the N word when I’m there. Our children don’t like it. They don’t like it when he uses the half-N word about them either.”

“Babe, I’ll be honest with you,” I said. “If you can’t cut spending, I’m going to go out and find a white Iowan woman who will.”

“I’ve polled the children,” my wife said. “75% of the members of this family have decided to increase our revenue by placing all your belongings on the front lawn and selling them.”