Forbidden Sex

It’s been a while (not awhile) since I wrote a post with the word “sex” in the title. Since 99% of my visitors are drawn to this site by that very word in those very titles, indulge me while I lure this majority back one more time, to their eventual disgust at the utter lack of the base, degrading, and exploitational titillation that they seek, unless I include it by accident – by thinking out loud, for example, or by getting this blog mixed up with my alternate, income-providing site, “Sexy Sexual Advertisements for Sex.”

I thought about simply using the title “Sex,” or “Sex!” or perhaps “Sex??” for this post, but rejected these as ambiguous. “Sex” in these titles could be a verb, as in “How to sex a chicken?” (That is, how to determine the sex of a baby chick and separate the roosters from the hens when they hatch (that is, are born), for those of you unconversant with the poultry industry.)

I thought about using “Teen Sex” as the title, teen sex being the most popular topic on the Internet, but as a post-teen who is able to think back on teen sex and recall my personal experiences with it, I’m dismissing the subject and the acts covered by the subject, as overrated and too associated with button and strap and elastic struggles and wrestling, even if teen sex persists as a powerful blog magnet.

I thought about “Animal Sex.” Many of my “readers” are vectored here by Google, Bing, and even that snooty Jeeves, looking for what, bestial congress? Really? Animal sex? There is no lingerie. No buildup with dinner and a movie. No action in the back seat of your car (would be hard on the upholstery). No “meeting the parents.”

I thought about using “Group Sex” as the title, but ho hum. I’m not a joiner. Which group are we talking about, anyway? AA? Too talky during the act. “Hello. My name is John and I’m an alcoholic…” PETA? What, animal sex again? AARP? Please, put your teeth back in, grandma; or no, wait a minute…

I thought about “Porn Sex,” but these days we’ve got food porn, torture porn, Palin porn, etc., etc. Porn is the new white bread. As a search term, “porn” scarcely ranks above “corn” anymore (not any more). Does that last sentence make any sense? No.

So I chose “Forbidden Sex.” What does that mean? If you’re a member of a religious order, it’s all forbidden. If you’re some wild-eyed nihilist with a minor in de Sade, nothing is forbidden. Gay sex was once forbidden; now, the next President will probably be gay (or LBT), and married. Sex between a black man and a white woman wasn’t exactly forbidden; it could just get you lynched. Sex between Asian and Caucasian? Irish and Italian? Catholic and Jew? Democrat and Republican? Limbaugh and Garofalo? Not forbidden; all bidden. And what about sex outside the marriage? I read somewhere that formerly, up until the 60s, say, the husband was expected to have something going on the side; but now, no! Swiper no swiping! Is this, then, the last bastion of forbidden sex – the wandering husband? My goodness, there must be something worse than that. Infidelity does not rise to the “forbidden” level. Accidental strangulation at the critical moment? Nah, Carradine was probably murdered or too high to know what he was doing. The act since his death has become common comedic currency. See “Cedar Rapids.”

Forbidden sex. It’s out there somewhere. If you encounter it, or better yet, if you do it, tweet us. Post the details on our wall. Download a clip to YouTube. Name it and define it in Wikipedia. Get a groupon deal and let us in on it. Thank you.

3 Responses

  1. Cadspot (n) Apartment specifically rented by a man in order to manage his affairs. That’s the best anagram I could find for “podcast” that had something even remotely related to today’s topic.

    Living in Berkeley as I do, the only forbidden sex is the democrat/republican pairing.

  2. Maybe having sex with your brother’s/sister’s wife/husband would count? There’s certainly a lot of sex that will lose you your job. Perhaps you must define forbidden.

  3. Hey, Sonje. I wrote the post while in Egypt, where sex between brother and sister is ok, if you happen to be Pharaoh. So your sister’s husband is yourself and sex with yourself is ok, excepting the part where you go blind.

    As for this business about sex and your job – I’ve heard of this, but nobody ever made a pass at me at work, so I figure it’s just a myth.

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