Are clothes frosting?

No. Clothes are clothes and frosting is frosting. If they were the same thing, they would be the same word, but they aren’t. And they aren’t synonyms either.

“Are clothes frostings?” is a different question, but the answer is still no.

Frostings decorate a cake. Clothes may decorate the human body, but they also may not. “Work clothes” do not decorate the human body, except in the case of women who overdo it a little, such as Christina Hendricks. And women “on the job.” And those guys in American Psycho.

In fact, clothes can camouflage. I don’t recall seeing, or eating, a camouflaged cake. But perhaps that’s why I didn’t see it.

The nudist might disparage the decorative effect of clothing. The naked body is beautiful in itself. The nudist demographic has been aging, though, and may as a consequence be, slowly, coming to its senses.

Persuasive argument that frosting is clothing: when a woman jumps out of a frosted cake, she is often nude (subject to the health laws in her state).

Is there another reason for frosting on a cake? It’s sweeter than the cake, and the cake is already sweet. Is that strange? Like putting honey on your sugar cubes? I think that Linus did that, but wise as he was, he was still a little kid.

Cakes without frosting? Fruitcake. The bundt with its drizzle. Some devil’s food. Streusel. Cheese cake. How could clothes be frosting when frosting is no more than an affectation ignored by so many classy cakes? I love a man in uniform.

What of these men who lick the frosting off a cupcake or from the middle of the Oreo cookie? This is comparable to tying knots in the swimmers’ clothes down at the old swimming hole. Is then the theft of a cake, or a cooling pie off the window sill, equivalent to kidnapping? I wouldn’t say so. The ransom for the stolen dessert is collected in its subsequent consumption. We pray that those who hae been kidnapped fare better, as opposed to being better fare, and are returned to their loved ones in the condition in which they left them. I disregard the behavoir of the knave of hearts, because where royalty is concerned, go figure.

Common misconception: clothing was originally invented by humans to keep warm. Wrong. You think that first human in shirt and tie just started wearing clothes to fend off a chill? Lived up in Minnesota in the winter? Invented underwear? No, humans were warm enough without clothes. In fact, when they started fooling around with clothes, the first thing a guy said was, “I’ve got to get home and get out of these clothes. Lie down on the sofa, drink a beer, and watch the game.” That was on a Sunday.

To be clear: frosting can look awful and taste bad. This is similar to looking awful and having bad taste, but it is not identical.

Final points:

– Frosting does not have buttons.

– Clothing won’t melt in the sun.

– When you’re fooling around with your mate and she covers you in jam, that’s not clothes.

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2 Responses

  1. But…in certain cooking areas in a certain house sometimes frosting and clothing become indistinguishable. As does frosting and countertops, frosting and floors, etc. I believe you know the burden (or benefit?) of this situation. What should we consider a man licking frosting off of a woman’s clothing? Do they cancel each other out or simply compound the situation?

  2. You’ve put your finger on my obsession. I faced it today. 40 cupcakes and a birthday cake feeding 100 for one-year-old Pakastani triplets.

    Check the man licking the woman’s clothing and I think that you will find his name to be Leo, or perhaps Patches or Alexander Furby or Hello Kitty.

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