First of all: this is a serious post. No way I’m going to dis God in a WordPress post. Maybe it would be ok over on Facebook, which besides its 100 million Godless teenagers has several large pockets of Satanists, who, except for the group sex, are the most boring… I’m getting off subject.
There are some Christian religions that believe that God has a wife. They don’t talk about it much, but if you pin them down, they will admit it. Most will say more about the Holy Ghost, but the Holy Ghost – he or she or it – is a ghost, a spirit, a cloud, whatever. Nobody ever tells us that the Holy Ghost has, say, a penis. The Holy Ghost is just easier to talk about than God’s wife. Or should it be God’s Wife? Sometimes the Holy Ghost does appear in the shape of a bird, but nobody ever tells us what the sex of that bird is, or that it’s got a twig in it beak (for nest-building). Or maybe an olive branch, for reasons unknown.
Later: Hold on. I’m wrong. If you poll the rural preachers of Mississippi, asking them whether the Holy Ghost is male, female, both, or neither, 100% reply that the Holy Ghost is male. If you ask whether the HG has a penis, 100% say well hell yes. If you ask whether that penis is large or small, 100% of the black preachers say large. 100% of the white preachers say that it’s medium in size; perhaps just a hair small. If you ask the black preachers whether the penis bends to the left or right or hangs straight down, 100% respond that the penis hangs, or “dangles,” straight down. 100% of the white preachers respond that it bends to the right.
One Asian preacher was polled. He dropped his trousers and waggled his member in the pollster’s face, without articulating an answer. Very Zen.