Screenwriters: Write up your reality-show sports ideas and they will make you some money, irregardless of their stupidity and questionable value to the human race on our warming planet. Write them up, buy new cars, and spew carbon while you still can, before the government takes away our cars and makes us ride bicycles. In fact, you could… Aw, forget it.
Sample idea: Sports Wives
You find five wives whose husbands are sports nuts. The guys watch anything and everything. They tailgate. They buy merchandise. So forth. The wives have had it up to here. If they have to pick up one more empty beer can in the living room, they’re going to scream.
Pick a sport for the five women to take up, say, boxing.
Don’t pick women who can’t take a punch.
Don’t pick women who are all hat and no saddle. Or is it, all saddle and no spurs? Or all assless chaps and no garters? Whatever.
They can have a mouth on them.
If they have a lot of brothers, that’s a plus.
Not too butch, though. Sure, butch might help our contestants in the ring but we’re not selling this show to the gay demo.
If they smoke, it helps. They’re in their corner during a sparring session, taking a last drag on a butt and then flipping it into the mouthwash bucket, while on a split screen we see the husband howling for his f-ing dinner while the children cower behind a KFC Family Box of chicken legs.
Pick five different colors for the trunks, with matching halters. Each contestant should need a lot of halter, if you know what I mean.
Each week, these women beat the hell out of each other. Wait! Make that six women, not five. Six different racial ethnicities, although all the husbands should be white. Six different heights, from awesomely tall and leggy to ultra petite but perfectly formed. No fatties, needless to say. Three passive, three aggressive would probably work the best.
After each week’s bouts, we see the women partying with their trainers. The women are all banged up with bandaids and shiners, but in a sexy way, while on the split screen, the husbands are calling the kids’ grandmas to come over and give them baths and put them to bed, because there’s a game on, but we’ve bought off the grandmas so they won’t go.
In the final episode, the women come home and when their husbands try to bust their balls, the women smack the hell out of them.