As a creative screenwriter, I’d like to answer these questions by coming up with some oh-so-clever, East-Coast-Elite, nuanced topics, but given the seriousness of the subject, I’ve got to shoot straight.
Novices: Always write about subjects that you like, not about subjects that you hate. Writing about subjects that you hate will make your work a lot more interesting and will make you more money, but what will it do to your soul?
My favorite topics:
1. Jesus – Jesus wants us to write about Him. WWJD? He’d start His own blog! Plus, there are a lot of pictures of Him around, so folks don’t have to imagine what He looks like. And because He’s all about the Bible, you can make up stories about Him any way you like.
2. God – God is harder to write about than Jesus. Sure, He loves me, but my great-aunt Agnes loved me and that didn’t stop her from thwacking me on the head with her darning egg every day that she raised me.
3. Satan – According to Drive Angry, he’s an old guy who serves as the warden of a prison. He’s quiet and well-read. You can see Harvey Keitel do him in “Little Nicky.”
4. The Pope – 1.147 billion Catholics. That’s a lot of seats in the seats. Plus, if you write your script right, you can get some anti-Catholics to watch as well.
5. That guy who predicts which day the world will end on – Every time he names a date, I write another script. He’s getting old. I just pray he can hang on for a few more.
Most of my work on these topics is vectored at training films paid for by the Go to Heaven or just Go to Hell Church on Hollywood Blvd.
Filed under: Screenwriting and Writing, Top 5 and Other Lists, Topics suggested by readers | Tagged: Blogging, movies, writing |
Does writing excuse watching? 
What the hell is a darning egg?
Huh? How do you fix holes in your kids’ socks?
I throw them away. No one in my house wants to see me with a needle in one hand and an ovoid in the other.
Never mind. It’s an ovoid that’s used to throw at your godless nephew. (see also “darning mushroom” and “darning groud.” )
These are good topics. A nice mix of Paradise Lost and billboards. And if you can stuff those into a training film, I’ll be stopping by the Go to Heaven or Just Go to Hell Church on Hollywood Blvd. for the next showing. Are there snacks? Drinks?
For drinks, go downstairs to the AA meeting and leave with a promising looking attendee.