Top 5 Movies Begging to Be Remade

As a screenwriter in Hollywood, I am constantly confronted with producers begging me to rewrite this movie or that. But will they front some money for my efforts, or are they just crying into their apple martinis as we have a few drinks at some local Hollywood watering hole of an evening?

Then, there are the actors who importune me, seeing themselves in this classic role or that, sure that a remake will vault them into the pantheon of greatness.

Finally come the fans I meet, those folks who watch movies every day, blog about movies, tweet about movies. Zombies walk among us. They are alive, but have no life. Many crave remakes.

Note that I’ve never had a movie itself actually beg me for a remake script. When mixing drinks with various drugs, I’ve had movies talk to me. Also trees, animals, and hookers. But no begging. Well, except for some of the less assertive hookers, who will beg instead of demanding to be paid.

Top movies begged for:

5. The Hangover (2009) – I started working on a remake script of this one the moment it hit big. Unfortunately, Jon Lucas and Scott Moore beat me to greenlight, labeling their version a “sequel” and setting it in Thailand. That’s ok. Mine’s just like the first one and theirs, but set in Honolulu. I’ll label it “The Hangover 3.”

4. Toy Story 3 (2010) – Top grosser of 2010. The producer’s obvious favorite for a remake.

3. Dumbo (1941) – This is the top fan pick. Avatar-like 3D. Flying fracking elephants! Dumbo is a Judd Apatow/Seth Rogen teenage elephant with full-frontal raunchy humor. Female teen elephant voiced by Miley Cyrus. Songs. Elephant dung falling from the heavens onto an irate James Cromwell.

2. Swimming to Cambodia (1987) – My friend, the actor Richard (not his name), wants this one. “It’s a one-man show,” I say. “Spalding Grey’s personal experiences. How is a remake going to work?” “Replace some of his experiences with some of mine,” Richard says. “We’re kindred spirits.” Knowing that Spalding Grey committed suicide and that Richard has tried to do so twice, I’m not touching this one without significant $$$ up front.

1. Cujo (1983) – My personal choice for a remake. I’m working on it now. In my version, the original Cujo is replaced by that Beverly Hills talking chihuahua, but with really, really bad rabies. Angelina Jolie plays Donna Trenton. Instead of a damned Pinto, she’s driving an Escalade, which, it turns out, is no match for the crazy chihuahua.

Thanks to Klaus for the topic.

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One Response

  1. Hee, hee…my favorite, a PG13 re-make of Dumbo – I think it has almost unlimited potential!

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