The Meat-Only Diet, Part 2

A sample regimen to help you get started:

Day 1

Breakfast: Cut out meat in the shape of little o’s, deep-fat fry, serve in a bowl with generous meat juices.

Lunch: Use slabs of ham for “bread” and make a meatball sandwich.

Dinner: Steak with a side of chicken, and a fish salad (while there are still fish to eat). Dessert will be a plate of assorted oyster, clam, and mussel dainties stuffed with edible jellyfishes.

Day 2

Breakfast: A glass of whiskey mixed with meat juice.

Lunch: Hot dog on a hamburger bun (a bun made out of hamburger, that is).

Dinner: Several glasses of whiskey. Then pigs in blankets of tenderized cowhide.

Day 3

Breakfast: You probably won’t be getting up.

Lunch: Try to eat a meat that comes up as easily as it goes down.

Dinner: Strip, go outside, and lie on the hood of your car in a howling snowstorm.

This should get you well on your way to significant weight loss.

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