Top 5 movies with vegetarian stars

I thought about limiting this to vegans, or even to those who won’t eat anything that casts a shadow, but why not salute all who avoid killing animals except for sport or by driving too fast?

5. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) – Sir Anthony Hopkins probably isn’t a vegetarian but I’m including this movie in the list anyway because it would be ironic if he was or were and because it explains his reference to fava beans.

4. The Graduate (1991) – Hoffman is a vegetarian. I don’t know what he eats in this movie. I’ll steer clear of the obvious joke about Mrs. Robinson.

3. Iron Man (2008) – I just want something here with vegetarian Gwyneth Paltrow in it. The screen Paltrow, you understand, not the real Hollywood Paltrow. If I haven’t written about the real Paltrow yet, I will, that $@^&*, but I won’t use her real name when I do. In Iron Man, she plays Pepper Potts. Which makes me wonder whether Ralph and/or Larissa Pans also abjure meat.

2. Troy (2004) – You would figure Brad Pitt for a vegetarian, what with him having the last name of a fruit seed. He plays Achilles here, whose diet included a lot of olive oil and goat cheese. Plus, the name makes me think of chiles. Plus, it’s the Iliad, right? Isn’t that supposed to be a great poem or book or whatever?

1. Psycho (1960) – Anthony Perkins don’t eat meat. You know how when you’re in the kitchen and you’re chopping vegetables and you accidentally cut your finger and bleed like a stuck pig? Don’t you always think of that when you’re watching the shower scene from this movie? Maybe think about cooking together with Janet Leigh, with her wearing one of those 50s sweaters like she used to?

Top 5 WWJD Movies

 You should ask yourself what Jesus would do every time you watch a movie. Here are my top five movies for raising questions in your mind.

5. Ken Burns Baseball (1994) – What position would Jesus play? He’d have to manage because He’s not going to take orders from anybody else, but He’d also want to play. He wouldn’t pitch because He’d want to play every day. Of course, being The Son Of God, He could pitch every day, but that wouldn’t be fair to the other pitchers, and Jesus is all about being fair. He could catch but I don’t see Him crouching in the dirt in front of the umpire, with a mask covering His face. No, I see Him out in center field, cantering and romping around out there like a young colt, when he’s in a good mood at least.

4. The Wizard of Oz (1939) – If He were the Wizard and Dorothy came to Him asking to go back to Kansas, (1) would He just turn her into a pillar of salt for wanting to leave His kingdom? (2) would He notice that Garland had bound her breasts for the role and if so, what would He think about that? (3) would he give her a pass because Kansas is pretty damned Christian?

3. Marly and Me (2008) – So what about Christ and dogs? Is He pro or con? And what about Marley? How is he going to react, sniffing around The Ankle of our Savior?

2. War of the Worlds (2005) – Does Jesus figure that humans and aliens are all God’s children? Or are the aliens just damned bugs? Does God let the humans and aliens slug it out, like us and the Nazis, making sure we win in the end with us feeling pretty special doing it?

1. The Ten Commandments (1956) – Suppose that Jesus instead of Charlton Heston is playing Moses. He’s thinking Hey, I’m leading the Jews out of Egypt but in a thousand years they’re going to crucify me. Maybe I ought to just leave them there, or better yet, in the middle of the Red Sea. But then He thinks, but I was born a Jew so maybe that’s not so good an idea.