I was coaching a popular Hollywood star with his dialog the other day and afterwards we went out for a drink. We got sloshed and at one point he told me that he was a robot. I thought he was kidding but when I mentioned this to a stunt driver on the lot, he told me that the guy was serious. He said that everybody knows the guy is completely delusional.

When a critic writes that this guy acts like a robot, the guy clips out the review and tapes it to the wall in his trailer. A woman who casts extras told me that she spent the night with him once and at one point he attempted to adjust a kink in his apparatus with a crescent wrench.

He’s read for every cyborg role in Hollywood in the past five years. They say he won’t leave Summer Glau alone.

Come to think of it, when we were drinking, he did a helluva Bender imitation.

I spotted the guy later on location and just for fun shouted “Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!” Stupid. It didn’t make the papers because there were only four of us there, but he pooped in his hat.