Guest Post: Hyrum Smith

On the occasion of his wedding (50th wife), welcome, Hyrum, and congratulations. *** Thank you, DWEW. Yes, I have 50 wives. It’s a religious thing. Don’t ask about the sex. That’s always the first thing to come up. I don’t talk to my wives about it. I won’t talk to you about it. Once the [...]

could the anti-christ be china?

“could the anti-christ be china?” This is a search question that was used to reach my blog today. I think that it deserves an answer. First of all, I know a Chinaman. He serves me a plate of pan-fried noodles every Friday evening at Woo’s. I don’t know whether he speaks English or not. All [...]

My time as a monk

When I was in my 20s, I renounced the materialism of the Western world. I got a job on a freighter after obtaining my seaman’s ticket, and worked on the high seas until taking my accumulated pay and debarking for good at the port of Chittagong. I could have lived like a king for a [...]

Taxing the Rich: WWJD

Jesus hates taxes, but that’s not the end of the story. Jesus loves tithes. “The tithe is that tenth of our income that we give to God, which enables Him to move on our behalf in the area of blessings.” Satan would never cough up one tenth of his ill-gotten gains, not for Jesus or [...]

Flowers, Puppies, and the Love of God

Reading over some of my recent posts, I find them harsh. I regret these posts. The world does not need harsh. The inside of my brain is not a harsh place. Let us  mellow out. Yes, let us think of… flowers. Their beauty. Floral beauty. Their colors. Floral color. Each flower provides sustenance and living [...]

Who is the Antichrist? Part 3

I’m often asked, does the Antichrist diet? He spends a lot of time in the finest restaurants. He has a table at Le Bernardin. He cares about his appearance, but he wasn’t blessed with that rangy, rawhide slim build of the Messiah, who can’t walk down to the corner for a pack of smokes in [...]

Who is the Antichrist? Part 2

He’s not a member of your family. He’s not your Uncle Louie. The way it works is, if he were your Uncle Louie, you’d be begging him for it. It’s sick, I know, but that’s how the Antichrist rolls. “The Messiah will come as a thief in the night,” it is written. In the same [...]

Who is the Antichrist? Part 1

What can you say about this guy? He’s a guy, of course, not a girl. Hell hath spewed up plenty of female candidates for Consort to Lucifer. In fact, I’ve married a couple of them. But some guy secured the Antichrist role way back when they were writing the Bible and he’s still hanging onto [...]

God’s Dog 2

I posted a few words about God’s dog the other day and was met with a firestorm of reader protest. Everyone’s an expert. The French believe that God’s dog is a poodle. The Southern Baptists believe that God keeps hounds in a kennel out behind the house, cared for by an angel named Rastus. PETA [...]

God’s Dog 1

Does God have a dog? Yes. Just a dog, though, not a cat or a bird or a goldfish or a gerbil or a ferret, and he’s not one of those nuts who keep a goddamned cheetah in their house. God has assigned all of his pets, other than the dog, to Noah, who is good [...]