Severed Snake Head Bites Man

[Headline, Huffington Post] Before you ask, the answer is no. A severed human head has never bit a snake. Why? Because snakes aren’t stupid. A severed octopus tentacle has strangled a man. A crab claw has pinched a guy. A snake has bit a severed human head. No doubt you’ve seen the movie where a [...]

WATCH: Amazing Teen Uses Piano To Detect Landmines

[Headline, Huffington Post] Tell me about it. My kid? The piano lessons cost a fortune. Plus, I had to buy a piano. The gas it takes to get him to the conservatory? At today’s prices? Don’t ask. Look, it’s an investment. The kid will need something like this on his college application in eight years. [...]

Walmart Evicts Workers Living In Store Parking Lot

[Headline, Huffington Post, 02/10/12] All over America, there are husbands temporarily living in their car after a fight with their wife. Where do they wash up, shave, and brush their teeth every day? At work, of course. Many sleep under their desk rather than in the vehicle. (In which other countries does this occur? There [...]

Police Thwart Scheme To Steal Glacier Ice For High-End Ice Cubes

[Headline, Huffington Post] The ice poachers did not get busted for their cube thefts, not per se. Some guy put in an order for a mammoth frozen in a big block of ice. Pretty cool, but when the glacier owners came out in the morning and found their mammoth gone, they flipped out. Lay in [...]

Finally, A Movie About Circumcisions

[Headline, Huffington Post, 01/30/12] This blog existed, originally, to host movie reviews. I expected to write many a word about foreskins. I was ready to write about afterskins as well, if any such should be found and filmed. Imagine my disappointment at the dearth of material. How many reviews can you write about Moolaadé? And [...]

Can Men Hear When You Have Your Period?

[Headline, Huffington Post, 1/27/12] I broke down and called Arianna Huffington on this one. I know that she sold her periodical to some company or other, but she is still the managing news manager. She keeps her ear to the ground. I asked her what she had heard about this, period. What would  her mother [...]

WATCH: Bullfrog DOMINATES Video Game

[Headline, Huffington Post] You know that giant man spotted at Kim Jong-Il’s funeral? And now a giant bullfrog with super intelligence which croaks in the Korean bullfrog dialect? Coincidence? I think not. The North Koreans, at first glance, have accomplished nothing in the past few decades. Satellite photos taken at night show a black patch [...]

Family Who Believed Puppy Had Died After Accident Gets Big Surprise

(Headline, Huffington Post) Our biggest surprise was how good Ronald Reagan looked, pretending to be a puppy again. We gave him a whole-body buzz cut and dyed him in mixed gray, black, white, and cafe au lait. Cute dog! As we reported to the press, Ronald fell into our big hamburger grinder. When a batch [...]

You Won’t Believe What Police Found In This Horse Saddle

(Headline, Huffington Post, 11/16/11) Honey, I might be late tonight. I’ve got to find a story or I’m gonna get fired… Hey, you over there! What the heck are you doing? Are you smelling those bicycle seats. Get away from there or I’m calling 911. What kind of pervert are you? Sorry, Honey. Some guy, [...]

One State Takes Drastic Measure To Encourage Breastfeeding

(Huffington Post headline) Bulletin from the State Office of Health and Safety Attention, Citizens! It has come to our attention that many mothers in this state are bottle-feeding their babies. This is unacceptable. Sure, you can give your baby the occasional sugar-teat soaked with laudanun. Mothers have been doing that for years. But bottle milk [...]