Cheerleader Kicks Herself in Head

[Headline, Huffington Post] I was sitting at home, resting with  some very sore ribs, when my daughter came home with a shiner. “Oh, Honey,” I said. “Don’t worry, Mom,” she said. “It’s just the one eye this time.” I was going to beg her to take up swimming, but her dad got home from work [...]

Boy Finds Live Grenade On Easter Egg Hunt

[Headline, CNN] I was going to write a word or two here based on the followup CNN article, “Boy Tries to Open Easter Egg by Pulling Its Pin,” but I decided not to go dark. As of this post, then, we can imagine that the grenade is still nestled in the Easter basket. The photo [...]

WATCH: Amazing Teen Uses Piano To Detect Landmines

[Headline, Huffington Post] Tell me about it. My kid? The piano lessons cost a fortune. Plus, I had to buy a piano. The gas it takes to get him to the conservatory? At today’s prices? Don’t ask. Look, it’s an investment. The kid will need something like this on his college application in eight years. [...]

Product endorsements

A Real Lifesaver I love my husband but he does have some anger-management issues.  Most of the time he’s a real puppy dog, but when he loses it, he will clock me pretty good.  I know I should report him to the law or head for a women’s shelter or something, but gosh, I just [...]

Man Adopts his 42-Year-Old Girlfriend

Headline, Huffington Post] The guy’s name is Marvin. Once Sue was all adopted, he took her home to meet his former mom and dad, now his adopted son and daughter. “Fred and Betty,” he said to them, “meet your new sister Sue.” “Keep it down,” his daughter said. “Your son is taking his nap.”   [...]

What You Don’t Know About Dish Towels

[Headline, Huffington Post, 02/09/12] 1. You never have to wash a dish towel. Why not? Because you are wiping water off clean dishes with it, and that water is effectively washing the towel itself. If your dish towels get dirty, don’t blame the towels! 2. You can use a dish towel as a bath towel [...]

Why Strong Women Make Better Wives

[Headline, Huffington Post] My wife asked me to twist off the lid of a jar because she couldn’t. I couldn’t either. We fished out the lid-opener tool and used that. What if my wife had been strong enough – or at least didn’t have arthritis in her hands – to just open the jar? What [...]

One State Takes Drastic Measure To Encourage Breastfeeding

(Huffington Post headline) Bulletin from the State Office of Health and Safety Attention, Citizens! It has come to our attention that many mothers in this state are bottle-feeding their babies. This is unacceptable. Sure, you can give your baby the occasional sugar-teat soaked with laudanun. Mothers have been doing that for years. But bottle milk [...]

GRAPHIC VIDEO: Monkey Attack Caught On Tape

(Headline in the Huffington Post, 11/17/11) I picked up my son Saturday morning. Outing with divorced dad. A beautiful day. My son wasn’t mad at me, or bitter that I had moved out. We got along. He was excited to visit the new primate exhibit at the zoo. We stood in line for tickets. Everyone [...]

Teens Discover New Ways To Hide, Consume Alcohol

(Headline in The Huffington Post, 11/15/11) Just to be clear, teens invented alcohol, back in those prehistoric days when precious few of the tribe made it past the age of twenty. For the same reason, teens invented sex, hunting, gathering, and fur clothing. A fourteen-year-old girl, feeling rebellious like they do, had to take it [...]