Elizabeth Taylor’s Ring Gets A Surprising New Owner

[Headline, Huffington Post, 01/06/12] First, I deplore the use of celebrity gear in voodoo rites. I wish that I had a nickel for every star who has died of lung cancer because some voodoo newbie didn’t know what he was doing. Second, I’m sick and tired of standing by the Two-Buck Chuck in the Trader [...]

WATCH: World’s Scariest Roller Coaster?

(Huffington Post, 11/21/11) Coaster Rules: You must be at least one or two years old to ride. That is, you must be old enough to scream Help! Lactating mothers: we do not recommend breastfeeding your child during the ride. Not recommended on this ride: false teeth, toupees, glass eyes, falsies, wooden legs, wheelchair cases, crutches, [...]

My Life As A Mime

We lived in Flatfield, Iowa, next to a grain elevator. I was playing in the backyard with my mom when Silo #67 blew. It was one of those corn-dust explosions. The concussion ruptured my mom’s’ eardrums. My dad was standing outside the company headquarters at the time. He lost his eardrums too. In that moment, [...]

Lady Gaga Forgot Her Pants Again

(Huffington Post headline, 11/14/11) Why does this rate a headline? Dame Edith forgot her lorgnette for the opening at Epsom Downs. Now that was news. I’ve forgotten my pants a time or two when going to work, but all that got me was a good spanking on the bare bottom by my boss, Mrs. Pregfort. [...]

Dog Calms Crying Baby

Headline in the Huffington Post 11/13/11. Congratulations to Dora, a hound. The baby had been crying for a long time (check the Guiness Book of World Records for details). Having broken that record, the family now wished to go for the “Animal calming crying baby” record. Points are awarded for how long the baby has [...]

Why teen sex films and teen sex movies are important

What are the best teen sex movies? What are the best teen sex scenes? Who are the hottest teen stars in teen sex scenes, in teen sex films? Why is this important? I read somewhere that “teen sex movies” is a most-googled search item. I’m publishing this post to see whether anyone comes to read [...]

Reality Show: Funerals

You may have been to one or more funerals (though I hope not). You’ve seen a million of them on TV and in the movies, and they’re all the same. Whereas weddings are all over the place, themewise. This reality show, which I wrote, is now in pre-production. It’s called “Design a Funeral.” There are [...]

Inappropriate Viewing!

I was about to watch some silly movie last night when it struck me that millions are now suffering from the Japan catastrophes and war in the Middle East. This gave me pause. No man is an island, even though at the time I was sitting alone on the couch with nothing but a bottle [...]

Dog movies

I don’t have a dog. I hold no brief against dogs, mind you, but if I’ve got to watch a dog movie, I prefer that it be one about a guy who has turned into a dog, so that it’s actually more a  guy movie than a dog movie. Beyond The Shaggy Dog (1959) and [...]

“Saw” Redux

Checked out a pile of books at the library yesterday, including “Mr. Wolf and the Three Bears,” by Jan Fearnly (Harcourt, Inc. Copyright 2001). Forgot my rule: avoid children’s books with “fear” in them. On the couch with the two- and three-year-old grandkids, reading. The Mr. Wolf story: nice wolfe and his grandma prepare for [...]