Cheerleader Kicks Herself in Head

[Headline, Huffington Post] I was sitting at home, resting with  some very sore ribs, when my daughter came home with a shiner. “Oh, Honey,” I said. “Don’t worry, Mom,” she said. “It’s just the one eye this time.” I was going to beg her to take up swimming, but her dad got home from work [...]

9 Things That Might Be Wrong With You

[Headline, Huffington Post] 1. You might have a heart attack in the next five minutes. Are you driving down the freeway while reading this? Move over to the slow lane. 2. Are you reading this while having sex? That’s weird. But anyway, having sex at your age and in your shape is just ignorant. You [...]

Boy Finds Live Grenade On Easter Egg Hunt

[Headline, CNN] I was going to write a word or two here based on the followup CNN article, “Boy Tries to Open Easter Egg by Pulling Its Pin,” but I decided not to go dark. As of this post, then, we can imagine that the grenade is still nestled in the Easter basket. The photo [...]

Scientists Want To Know: Are Men More Attracted to Women With Redder Genitalia?

Pretty in Pink What does the color of our genitals have to do with evolution? Scientists Want To Know. [Headline and subheads, Slate] 10 facts based on my team’s experiments and studies: 1. When the male member is bright red, in all or in part, the female is not attracted to it. Other unpopular colors: [...]

Severed Snake Head Bites Man

[Headline, Huffington Post] Before you ask, the answer is no. A severed human head has never bit a snake. Why? Because snakes aren’t stupid. A severed octopus tentacle has strangled a man. A crab claw has pinched a guy. A snake has bit a severed human head. No doubt you’ve seen the movie where a [...]

WATCH: Amazing Teen Uses Piano To Detect Landmines

[Headline, Huffington Post] Tell me about it. My kid? The piano lessons cost a fortune. Plus, I had to buy a piano. The gas it takes to get him to the conservatory? At today’s prices? Don’t ask. Look, it’s an investment. The kid will need something like this on his college application in eight years. [...]

Woman spots mold on new tampon

[Headline, Huffington Post] If an ice shelf the size of Texas breaks off the continent in Antarctica and floats away to melt in the sea, it will not directly affect my day, at least until the sea level rises high enough to flood my neighborhood. That sort of global-warming consequence doesn’t trouble me. If all the [...]

Product endorsements

A Real Lifesaver I love my husband but he does have some anger-management issues.  Most of the time he’s a real puppy dog, but when he loses it, he will clock me pretty good.  I know I should report him to the law or head for a women’s shelter or something, but gosh, I just [...]

Man Adopts his 42-Year-Old Girlfriend

Headline, Huffington Post] The guy’s name is Marvin. Once Sue was all adopted, he took her home to meet his former mom and dad, now his adopted son and daughter. “Fred and Betty,” he said to them, “meet your new sister Sue.” “Keep it down,” his daughter said. “Your son is taking his nap.”   [...]

Walmart Evicts Workers Living In Store Parking Lot

[Headline, Huffington Post, 02/10/12] All over America, there are husbands temporarily living in their car after a fight with their wife. Where do they wash up, shave, and brush their teeth every day? At work, of course. Many sleep under their desk rather than in the vehicle. (In which other countries does this occur? There [...]